Some of you may recall my review on 'Street Fighter'. While I only gave it a 2/5, I admit, pretty openly, that it's one of my favourite video game movies in existence, due to how much of a guilty pleasure it is. One can tell that it's not taking itself too seriously, and as a result, things get pretty ridiculous and it's actually a lot of fun in the right frame of mind. But then we have this; an apparent tie-in with the far less familiar (to me) 'Street Fighter IV'. If you don't like the original film, compare it to this, and it might as well be 'Schindler's List'. This apparent spin-off of 'Street Fighter IV' (at least as far as characters go) tells us about popular 'Street Fighter' character Chun-Li's origins. As a kid (Inez Yan), she moves to Hong Kong with her family. She studies to be a concert pianist, and learns the art of Wushu from her father, Xiang (Edmund Chen). One day, the family is attacked by two members of the shady criminal organization, the Shadaloo; M. Bison (Neal McDonough), and Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan). They kidnap Xiang, haul him away, and the next time we see her, she's grown up (Kristin Kreuk) and has since become a skilled pianist after all these years. At the end of a concert in which she performs, she is given a mysterious scroll. We don't quite know what its about, but just to add to the drama, Chun-Li also loses her mother to cancer. In the meantime, we have two different stories going on that really like to drag us away from Chun-Li. On one side, Bison plans to control the Shadaloo organization, and we see him get his henchman, Vega (Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas) to kill one of the shareholders. We also see that Xiang is now working for him. On the other side of this coin is Interpol agent, Charlie Nash (Chris Klein, in one of his best overacting roles ever) and detective Maya Sunee (Moon Bloodgood... shit that's a cool, vampiric sounding name), Nash after Bison for quite some time now. Eventually, this all boils down to Chun-Li, of course, having to find Bison and rescue her father, with the... help? of Nash and Sunee. And listen, if I have that a little bit wrong, it's because I had a hard time paying attention. The film is narrated in such a soft and lifeless voice (which I believe is still Kreuk, but I'm not 100% on that) it's enough to make you want to sleep. The casting is also pretty ridiculous, and with Kreuk being cast as a Chinese woman, it has been accused of white-washing. To be fair, however, she is half-Chinese, half-Dutch, apparently, so I can find at least a bit of leeway there. But I'm only speaking for myself. Having said that, she's a fine example of a time the original film did much better casting for the character with Ming-Na Wen. And speaking of that, the most ridiculous casting here has to be McDonough's Bison. The attitude is right, but the look, and the psychopathic expressions are missing that Raul Julia provided in spades. Neither of these 'Street Fighter' adaptations are good, but I can return to the original for a laugh and a touch of nostalgia, whereas there's nothing here for me... except Klein's overacting, which is hilarious. Some may recall that I once reviewed this for my "Film Negatives", and nothing has changed in my overall opinion. To put it bluntly, this is just terrible inside and out. Bad casting, bad acting, bad writing, bad execution altogether. This was another one that didn't last in theaters for any significant amount of time, and it's really no surprise. At the end of the day, I'd still highly recommend the 1994 film over this, even if the 1994 film is totally ridiculous. I stand by my opinion - one can still have a lot of fun with how goofy it actually is. This falls flat, and doesn't really recover, even in the guilty pleasure way. 1/5
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While I would consider this to be an all-out forgettable title, I have to admit that upon re-watching it (for the first time since its theatrical release in 2008), there are elements about it that I do enjoy. Of course, that's speaking for it as its own thing. As an adaptation, they got a few things right, but one thing that makes it suffer is a fairly strange addition; a bunch of demons making people freak out during hallucinations (I know, right? It's like "what?"). It's understandable that fans didn't receive this one very well, but there is a dark, stylistic tone about this I enjoy. It reminded me of 'Sin City' a lot of the time. The original game, released back in 2001, follows DEA agent and former NYPD officer, Max Payne as he hunts around for whoever was responsible for his wife and kid's death. The same someone has also framed Max for the murder of Alex Balder; his former partner when he was still a cop. As the game continues, he gets help from characters like the suave Russian mobster, Vladimir Lem, and a vigilante named Mona Sax, out for her own revenge for the death of her sister. Eventually things lead to conspiracies involving a drug called Valkyr (or "V"), and it all connects to Max's family's fate. The game is a third person shooter, and was very well received upon its release by critics and fans alike. It spawned two sequels, ending with 'Max Payne 3' in 2012, and no one seems to really seem to care about it ever making a comeback (no one I know personally, anyway). The film is altogether similar. Payne (Mark Wahlberg) is still an NYPD detective here, assigned to the Cold Case unit. We eventually learn, much like in the game, that his wife, Michelle and daughter, Rose were both murdered, and that this is another revenge film. When an acquaintance of one of Payne's informants is murdered, Payne ends up suspect number one due to a critical piece of evidence. We further learn that this acquaintance is the sister of Mona Sax (Mila Kunis); a freelance assassin. They soon end up after the same person, and much like in the game, conspiracies unfold, and a drug known as Valkyr is also present. It's basically supposed to be some kind of super soldier serum when it works right, but if not, the user experiences massive hallucinations involving "Valkyries". By the way, if you want to know what a Valkyrie should look like, 'Thor 3'. NOT this! This just makes them out to be demons of some kind. Now, those who know me well know that I generally object to the idea of turning certain games into movies. I'm all for ideas you can play around with, like redoing 'Super Mario Bros' and actually doing it right. But when it comes to something like 'The Last of Us', or something that has a singular story flowing through it already, I see it as remaking an interactive movie that already exists. I don't care who knows it, I still think a 'Last of Us' movie is a terrible idea. But I digress. The point is, 'Max Payne' is a pretty good example of one of the times I've felt like that. I feel differently about things like 'Resident Evil' because I see it as a separate thing, inspired by the games, rather than a direct adaptation of any kind. This was a bit of a cut and paste job, and its enough that its differences stand out a bit more than they should. I'm not sure I'd claim this as being necessarily bad, but it's definitely forgettable. It's also a movie that's sort of hard to take seriously these days, knowing that Wahlberg and Kunis starred as a comedic couple in 'Ted'; one of my favourite comedies that I've seen about a million times. I was honestly waiting for a joke to pop up half the time I was watching their interactions here. The real treat here is the films noir atmosphere and cinematography, and that's one thing from the game they sort of nailed here. On the whole, this isn't great, but I'd actually consider it to be barely passable as long as you're not attached to the game. This is a "2", but it's a high "2". If you are attached to these games, on the other hand, just skip it. All it'll do it bug you. 2/5 Beginning in 2004, and lasting up until now, the 'Far Cry' game series is definitely among the most popular game series out there. With this film being 2008, it was released with only the first of the now six games done, and the second was well on the way. The fist game follows a Special Forces operator turned boat charter named Jack Carver. He is hired by a Valerie Constantine to take her to an uncharted island in Micronesia. The boat is attacked, Valerie goes missing, Jack goes searching, and there's arguably a real 'Uncharted' vibe to it, complete with plot twists, strange creatures and interesting connections between characters. As the film opens, we get a mercenary squad attacked by some sort mutant creature, as they attempt to track down a number of escaped test subjects. We soon meet, watching the event with seemingly great interest, Dr. Krieger (Udo Kier), who is obviously up to no good, but we're not altogether sure exactly what it is he's up to. We just know it has something to do with whatever it is attacking these mercenaries. Asked to stop his "research" after these attacks, he refuses. Although this is a Boll film, I'm going to give a nudge of credit to Kier's performance here, as he is actually quite a creepy guy, and easy to buy as a madman type of villain. In the meantime, we meet Valerie Cardinal (Emmanuelle Vaugier), who is secretly receiving information about Krieger's secret project. She soon agrees to meet with her informant in person for further information. Like in the game, Valerie is a journalist who hires ex Special Forces Operator, Jack Carver (Til Schweiger) to take her to the island. The boat is attacked by mercenaries, Valerie is captured, at first, but soon enough things switch gears a bit. While Jack insists on leaving the island, Valerie refuses to without her informant, her uncle Max, who evidently once served with Jack, though Jack claims not to know him. So basically, rescue mission, and stop the madman. Perhaps its a bold statement, but as far as Boll's video game adaptations go, this one feels a little more "right on" than most. The only real problem with it is some of the writing ("surprise") and direction (another "surprise"). I feel like if this whole idea could have been put in someone else's hands, this could have been a decent film. Not great, but at least pretty passable. I may say it passes as a video game adaptation, but that's only really in that the plot is very similar. This doesn't pull any sort of 'Resident Evil' gimmicks, trying to make it something separate. It's at least trying to be like the game, and in the right mind-set it's possible to enjoy this... mildly, and ironically, but possible. One thing is for sure though, after this, I'm looking forward to not having to touch anything else Uwe Boll-written and/or directed (that is, until I do my next part of "The Arcade" sometime down the line, covering animation and straight to video releases) after this. The adaptations that lie ahead may not be great, but Uwe Boll films just have this certain strange feel to them - like watching the acting in a pornographic movie, but without any sex, and if there is any sex, it tends to feel a bit awkward. This had a moment or two, and I might suggest it's not as bad as it could be, but it's still quite bad. Don't take my word for it though, check it out on YouTube for free and judge for yourself. 2/5 Although there now stand three 'In the Name of the King' films, this was the only one to get any sort of theatrical release. Despite its all-star cast and popular video game-related title, the film ended up being a box office bomb, not even breaking the weekend's Top 10 upon its release. The film was critically panned left and right, up and down, and widely considered one of the worst video game adaptations of all time. This is also another one brought to us by Uwe Boll, marking his fourth video game adaptation... that's also not a typo, since I got the dates confused between this and his fifth, 'Postal', but here we are. For those keeping track, it started with 'House of the Dead', and continued, in order, with 'Alone in the Dark', 'Bloodrayne', 'In the Name of the King' and 'Postal'. This means there's only one more in this collection for me to endure, and it's literally next on the list. But back to the film at hand, this is loosely based on the 'Dungeon Siege' action RPG games. There are similarities, such as the location, taking place in the fantasy world of Ehb, but this is a lot like that one time they tried to make 'Dungeons & Dragons' a movie. For a game with customisable characters, and no real characters to route for that we'd be familiar with, there's a lot of free reign, save for a few elements here and there. The one thing this really had going for it, however, was its star power, which manages to transform this into an absolute guilty pleasure. We meet a man known only as "Farmer" (Jason Statham), living a sunshine and rainbows life with his wife, Solana (Claire Forlani) and son, Zeph (Colin Ford). One day, a band of creatures known as the Krug (a primitive, animalistic race) attacks their town, and it seems iffy that they seem suddenly intelligent enough to be able to attack much like humans would. Revealed to the audience, they are being controlled by a magic user named Gallian (Ray Liotta) who wants to simply take over the Kingdom of Ehb. Farmer fights a battle against the Krug, alongside his friend, Norick (Ron Perlman) and brother-in-law, Bastian (Will Sanderson), but fails to save his son from being killed, and his wife, along with other townspeople taken prisoner. Coming in to survey the damage and try to recruit for his army, is King Konreid (Burt Reynolds), accompanied by Commander Tarish (Brian White), another magic user named Merick (John Rhys-Davies) and a small group of Ehb's army. Farmer, Norick and Bastian refuse to join, however, and they set off on their own to search for Solana, believing she is still alive. That's the main plot, but we also come across Merick's daughter, Muriella (Leelee Sobieski) who, once in love with Gallian, has noted his dark side, and believes herself to be the reason he's so powerful. Perhaps most odd, however, is Konreid's nephew, Duke Fallow (Matthew Lillard), who plots to one day take his uncle's throne. Now, think of Lillard being his typical whacky self, but with a bad English accent. It was... bizarre. Nothing against Lillard at all, but one must admit, him in a medieval film where he's not a jester doesn't feel like it fits. This is a film worthy of being thrown in the discount bin pretty quickly (and I think it actually was). It's a strange mishmash of big names, bad direction, and borrowing from all sorts of things, namely high fantasy titles like 'Lord of the Rings' with some of its sets and a lot of its atmosphere. It does, however, play out a lot more like 'Dungeons & Dragons'. The plot is pretty standard; girl gets kidnapped, hero must save damsel in distress. Beyond that, a lot of the performances are quite funny to watch, but not really in the right way. Perhaps most entertaining is somewhere between Ron Perlman's cheesy one-liners, and trying to take Burt Reynolds seriously as a king, when I've seen him as a pornographic director before. This one is a little bit harder to find, but it's worth checking out if you can. Don't get the wrong idea though. Uwe Boll still pretty much equals "Bad Movie". However, as I mentioned earlier, I can make this one of my many guilty pleasures. Another "so bad it's good movie" to show my friends and laugh at, doing the 'Mystery Science Theater' thing with it. Unlike pretty much all of his previous films I've reviewed, this is one I could see myself actually coming back to if I have some time and nothing else to do. On that note, I am pretty pleased that I only have one more Boll film on this list, and that's coming up next. Will it be his saving grace? Or is this guilty pleasure of a film the best I'm going to get? 2/5 Once again, here we have a game in which I have never dabbled, nor do I have many friends who have ever talked about it. As far as I have researched, however, the games largely deal in stealth. Starting with 2000's 'Hitman: Codename 47', the games are semi-open world, third person, and the aim is to eliminate the targets assigned to you, being as stealthy as possible. They feature a cloned hitman known only as Agent 47, who works for the fictional ICA (International Contract Agency), and was genetically engineered to be amazing at his job - seen as the world's best assassin. The film certainly takes some of these elements, but I find things do get a little more convoluted than they really needed to. To confess, it may have been a bit of a lack of interest on my part, but I found myself confused from time to time while watching this, having to look up the Wiki synopsis just to get back on track. It's another movie where I can easily see others getting more out of it than I did, because for some reason, I just never got into this series... which is super weird, because playing stealthily is one of my favourite ways to play, ever since I played 'Manhunt', which actually came out three years after 'Codename 47'. Anyway, concerning the plot, we open with the image of a group of young boys at some facility getting barcode tattoos on the back of their shaved heads, which 'Dark Angel' did first, but I digress. These guys are trained in all sorts of specialties like unarmed combat, weaponry, demolitions etc. This is something we've seen a bunch of times at this point, most recently with 'Black Widow' - kids trained from a young age to become assassins. We then fast-forward to present day where Interpol agent Mike Whittier (Dougray Scott) runs into Agent 47 (Timothy Olyphant) who holds him at gunpoint, and they discuss 47's life, raised and trained to be a pro hitman by a group known as "The Organization". We then go back three months earlier, when after completing a job, 47 is contacted by his handler, Diana Burnwood (Lisa Ray-Jacobs) to take out Russian President, Mikhail Belicoff (Ulrich Thomsen). 47 seemingly carries out this task, but is later contacted and told that the attempt failed. He is then to take out the apparent witness to his attempt, Nika (Olga Kurylenko), who also happens to be Belicoff's mistress. Soon enough, 47 realizes that he has been setup, and a body double for Belicoff is trying to take things over, and they find themselves on the run from the Organization who seems to be behind everything. Like I said though, I was confused through much of this, and by the time it was over, I just plain didn't care. I can't quite put my finger on why, but this wasn't for me, despite its total potential. I think for yours truly, much of the problem lies in that whole backstory of training assassins from childhood, seemingly against their will. The real difference here is that 47 is still working for The Organization rather than being that one hero who escapes their mad clutches. Otherwise, it's not something I'd say is necessarily bad, but I'd suggest that it wasn't quite for me. I cannot put my finger on it, but for some reason I completely seem to lack an interest for anything 'Hitman'. It sounds like a series that would be up my alley. But I suppose it lies in the characters - I just don't care about anyone here. 47 is an asshole, Nika is full of herself, and this feels like a situation where you have no idea who you should be routing for. So, while It's definitely not my favourite video game movie, I may yet suggest that it's passable for others. As mentioned earlier, my knowledge on these games is slim to none, so whether or not they got various things right here is beyond me. I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record saying stuff like that, but there's a lot ahead that I'm probably going to feel the same about, so my readers may want to get used to it. As a stand-alone movie (treating this a little more like 'Resident Evil') this isn't that bad, it's just not something I'm particularly into. It's got solid action and atmosphere, and Olyphant plays things pretty darkly here, which I appreciate. But the plot is seemingly all over the place, and there was nothing that really absorbed me into things. Consider this one on the higher end of its overall rating. 2/5 Back in the late 90s, one thing that surrounded video games and a lot of gamers had to fight against was controversy. It all seemingly started with 'Mortal Kombat' and its blood, let alone its fatalities, but has since evolved into a sort of point of acceptance... I mean, sort of. But the point is, games are a hell of a lot more violent and shocking than they were back then. Either way, for the time (1997), 'Postal' was among the more controversial titles. It sort of came and went, and I didn't think much of it over the years until just now. Of course, with Uwe Boll behind the wheel, yet again, I knew I was in for a "treat". First, a little history - the first game sees a man evicted from his home, and fights his way to a US Air Force Base, believing they are releasing poison gas in his town, and that he has an immunity to it. The game was pretty damn famous for its violence and "WTF" moments in general, and became something of a cult classic among PC gamers. The film evidently has a bit more to do with the second title, which takes on a bit more of an 'InFamous' style, where The Postal Dude has to accomplish a bunch of daily tasks as peacefully, or as violently as the player chooses. Of course, it didn't fare too well with its controversial ideas either, including using a cat as a silencer, which is paid tribute to here. Like the games the film is based on, 'Postal' is all about controversy. The film opens with what "really" happened during the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The terrorists are told there aren't enough virgins to go around after they carry out their task, so decide to ditch the plan and reroute to the Bahamas. That's when a group of passengers busts in and sends the plane crashing into the World Trade Center, offering a gigantic middle finger to any victims involved in the tragedy that occurred about six years earlier than the film's release. So from the get-go, I felt a little uncomfortable about reviewing this. While you can tell it's not to be taken seriously, it's very hard not to cringe at some of the terrible jokes here. The film is representative of that kid in school who tries incredibly hard to be cool by saying and doing nasty things. Taking place in present day (again, 2007) Paradise, Arizona, a man only known as The Postal Dude (Zack Ward) is living a life of crap. His wife (Jodie Stewart) is openly cheating on him, he's having no luck at job interviews, and he just wants to make some cash to leave town forever. He teams up with his Uncle Dave (Dave Foley); a cult leader who owes the government a hefty sum in back taxes, to hijack a shipment of "Krotchy Dolls". What's a Krotchy Doll? Essentially just a plush penis with scrotum, evidently very rare, sought after, and valued highly on the black market, fetching as much as $4,000 per doll. Meanwhile, Osama bin Laden (Larry Thomas) has the same hijacking plan, but intends to infect the dolls with Bird Flu before their distribution. Anyway, paths cross, shit happens, and it becomes just as offensive as it sounds. This is one moment where I am going to cut Boll a teeny, tiny bit of slack... Not enough that he can do anything with, but there is something I can't deny about this movie. It's almost so fascinatingly messed up and bad that I could consider this the ultimate "so bad, it's good" film in the Boll collection. There's no stiff acting, no boredom, no terrible narration, it's just a movie that's trying very hard to be as messed up as it can be. It's big problem is that it thinks its being satire as opposed to what it is - just plain offensive, and even kind of insulting. But I can't deny I had a few random laughs here and there. None of that was towards anything particularly offensive, racist or whatever else. But there were bits of dialogue that caught me off guard, like being in a job interview and being asked "what is he difference between a duck?" I don't know why, but random, silly things like that just get to me. At the end of the day, this becomes one video game based movie I kind of want to show all of my bad movie loving friends. It's not enough to call it a guilty pleasure, because you feel pretty uncomfortable about some of the things they deem funny here. But like I said before, it's just fascinating. It's one of those things you might watch and wonder how they got away with a lot of it. For example, a baby carriage gets hit with a vehicle here. It happens in 'Speed', but ends up being full of cans, and funny in a "holy shit" kind of way. There's no reveal here though. This carriage just gets hit, and we have no clue what might be in it, suggesting a baby is entirely probable. This is one messed up movie, but I almost recommend it just based on the amount of "WTF" I saw... coming from me, that's saying a lot. 2/5 When it comes to the 'Resident Evil' film series, this is the only other one I can say I actually like (along with the first). My mind has the potential to change on some chapters further down the road, as I only ever saw the next two, and it was a series I wasn't really invested in. I just went to the theater to be entertained, but a lot of the time had forgotten what happened previously, and they just ended up being all style no substance. But hey, they did have some pretty cool 3D action sequences. Anyway, for the time being, 'Extinction' isn't only the other one I like, but honestly, probably my favourite of the batch. Fair warning, as we are doing a chain of sequels, there's high potential for spoilers from previous films, and this starts more or less where the last one leaves off. The previous film ends with Alice (Milla Jovovich) escaping an Umbrella research facility with help from Carlos Olivera (Oded Fehr), Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory), L.J. (Mike Epps), and Angela (Sophie Vavasseur). By the way, I failed to mention L.J. in my previous review, but that's mostly because he didn't seem to serve much purpose other than being an average joe caught up in the midst of all the chaos surrounding Raccoon City. Anyway, he survives, and we know that all of these characters become acquainted with each other. As the film opens, we learn that Umbrella has completely failed to contain the outbreak of the T Virus, bringing the world to a devastatingly overrun zombie-ridden wasteland. A few have managed to survive, however, by staying on the move. Among the survivors are Alice, who is travelling solo when we meet up with her, as she discovers the possibility that Alaska may yet be untouched. She eventually meets up with a convoy of scavenging survivors, looking for food and supplies at any stop they can manage, and convinces them that Alaska is probably the best direction to head. Among the convoy are, Carlos and L.J. from the previous film, and it's lead by Claire Redfield (Ali Larter). We also meet the likes of "K-Mart" (Spencer Locke), Mikey (Christopher Egan), Otto (Joe Hursley), Betty (Ashanti) and Chase (Linden Ashby). Meanwhile, Dr. Isaacs (Iain Glen) makes capturing Alice his top priority, as she has somehow bonded with the T-Virus without physically mutating into some insane monster (as we saw with "Lickers" and Nemesis in the previous films). He believes that they can use Alice's blood to develop a serum that will not cure the zombie infection, but perhaps domesticate it. The idea is brushed aside by Umbrella CEO, Albert Wesker (Jason O'Mara), who would prefer he works on his clone project; the "Project Alice" mentioned at the end of the previous film. Basically, they have been able to clone a bunch of new Alices trying to recreate what they made at the end of the first film, when original Alice was first exposed to the T-Virus. It's nice that we're introduced to a few new characters here, who I recognize by name base don the games - namely Claire Redfield and Albert Wesker. As far as their game presences go, it's hard for me to say how right or wrong they got these characters, but from what little I do know, it seems fairly accurate - although I pictured Claire a little differently, Larter does a fine job here, and I won't ever deny the little celebrity crush I've had on her since 'Final Destination'. So yeah, there may be a little bias here when you get right down to it. I'd have to say the only thing this lacks in is the quality of the main plotline. While what's going on at Umbrella seems intriguingly evil, the survivors are living out the typical zombie road trip plot with a few variations. But that might also be what I liked about it. It was simple. The film ends on a pretty similar note as the first two, where Alice comes across something new about herself. In the first one, she is exposed to the T-Virus and is able to run faster, jump higher, be tougher, etc. In the second one, she develops telekinesis (which, again, I failed to mention, but it works as a pretty powerful weapon for her) and in this one... well, await my next 'Resident Evil' review that is sure to open with a few spoilers, although considering what I've told you, you may well be able to guess already. Anyway, I tend to lean towards this chapter of the 'Resident Evil' series more than most, but it tends to be a little more up the alley of someone like me - used to the average zombie flick without a lot of complex material. What does the next chapter have in store? 3/5 Here's another fine example of a video game movie that managed to go pretty under the radar while its namesake is actually a pretty well-known one-on-one fighting game series. This was the one that got famous for having a whole lot of bouncy but bold female characters. In other words, they kicked ass, and looked good doing it. So it was no surprise to me that the movie primarily focused on four lead female characters participating in a tournament. First, these ladies need special invites to the fight, which they get one by one as they are introduced. We meet a shinobi ninja princess named Kasumi (Devon Aoki), whose brother, Hayate, went missing at last year's DOA tournament - a secret faceoff against some of the world's best fighters in their respective styles, where the prize money is $10 million. Next we meet professional wrestler, Tina (Jaime Pressly), fending off a group of pirates lead by 'Mortal Kombat's Robin Shou, looking like a literally washed up Liu Kang. Then there's master thief and assassin, Christie (Holly Valance) and Kasumi's friend, a guy named Hayabusa (Kane Kosugi), who follows her to keep her safe. The fourth female character is Helena (Sarah Carter), the tournament founder's daughter, who we don't see until things get going. We see the characters get injected with nano-sensors, and soon learn that this leads to a lab where they are being monitored and researched by island supervisor, Dr. Victor Donovan (Eric Roberts) and his assistant, the painfully nerdy and awkward Weatherby (Steve Howey) for some kind of mysterious project, which is unveiled in the end, and is actually pretty predictable. Meanwhile, each of our female leads goes through the tournament with their own motivations for winning - our main focus being Kasumi, looking for her brother (so definitely the Liu Kang of the film), and dealing with an assassin named Ayane (Natassia Malthe). As far as the others go, Tina is, in her way, the comedy relief who deals with a lot of the butt-kicking of men who are "being men" - like the sexual advances of Zack (Brian White). Christie develops a plot with her partner, Maximillian ‘Max’ Marsh (Matthew Marsden) to attempt to steal the prize money. Finally, Helena ends up being the "key" to the vault Christie needs access to, and ends up being the impossible love interest for Weatherby - a character so awkward that Jim Levenstein (of 'American Pie' pie-humping fame) would tell him he needs to calm the hell down. As one might predict, it all boils down to these four femme fatales and Donovan with his final result of his experiment. This one is tricky to say the least. Looking at it from a critical standpoint, it's pretty bad. It's full of tropes, tries to scream "girl power" but sort of just embarrasses itself, and things end on such a simple and predictable note. It's also a movie where they cram everyone they can into it. Thing of a DOA character, and I'm fairly certain they show up in one way or another here. The most fun is probably Bass (Kevin Nash), Tina's father, who brings in his own brand of comedy. But I do have a tendency to enjoy Nash whenever he's featured in something anyway, despite quality. So on the whole, this is definitely something I'd consider on the bad side. But much like with 'Street Fighter', it's something I can have fun with. I think that if you can look at this in the same scope as something like 'Charlies Angels', and keep that 'Street Fighter' mindset (where you can tell the film doesn't take itself seriously), I daresay this is something you can actually have fun with. It's just about what I expected it to be, and it does do a good job with fight sequences, but it may also take the video game similarities too far. For example, if you watch a fight on a monitor, there's a health bar, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But for me, that's right up there with M. Bison's arcade controller. This film is, indeed, ridiculous. It's corny, full of bad dialogue and bad acting, and almost overrun with T&A. But there's a certain "bad movie" charm to it. 2/5 This third Uwe Boll video game instalment is based on the 2002 hack and slash game of the same name, which has since spawned a popular franchise that, once again, I have never dabbled in. I don't particularly know how well this does as far as an adaptation goes, but of the Boll video game movies I have seen, so far this has been the most tolerable. I still wasn't what one might call a fan, and its clear that Boll's stiff direction is ever present here, but unlike 'House of the Dead' or 'Alone in the Dark', it didn't actually get under my skin enough to genuinely bother me. Having said that, it's still not something I'd consider to be a good movie. Things open at a side show travelling carnival, as we're introduced to Rayne (Kristanna Loken); a dhampir, a half vampire, unaffected by crucifixes, able to tolerate the sunlight a little better, and does not have a strong thirst for blood. Her downfall, however, is that she's still affected by holy water. We soon learn that she's the daughter of a Vampire King named Kagan (Ben Kingsley), who plans to annihilate the human race with an army of human and vampire thralls (or slaves). Rayne manages to escape the travelling freakshow through various acts of violence, and some of it seemingly deserved, to go off and fend for herself. Meanwhile, three members of a vampire hunting squad called the Brimstone Society, Sebastian (Matthew Davis), Vladimir (Michael Madsen) and Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez) get wind of the carnival freak who may be a dhampir. They plan to find and recruit Rayne in order to fight against, and bring down Kagan. Little do they know, however, that Kagan is also looking for her, at the thought of her potentially interfering with his hostile takeover of the human race. Rayne's only real hope is to obtain the talisman that Kagan is after to complete his plan in order to gain an audience with him. Will Rayne be able to face her father head on? Will she aid the Brimstone Society? Will the movie actually be a bit better than Boll's previous two? In my humble opinion, this is still not good, but it's far more tolerable than the messes that were 'House of the Dead' and 'Alone in the Dark'. This has all the Boll tropes, like stiff acting, and a bit of a jumble of a plotline, but I feel this has something the other films don't have, and that would be a niche fanbase. While 'House of the Dead' offers up zombies, and 'Alone in the Dark' offers up a series of random monsters, this offers up vampires, and vampires are one race of creatures that has a particularly heavy cult following. There's a certain fascination that comes with them as opposed to something like zombies where you just plain know the mindless corpses you're getting. Vampires have personality, and there's a bit more wiggle room to play with that. In the end, I tried viewing this as more of a straight up vampire movie than one based on a video game (as, again, no dabbling in said title). As a result, I think I managed to avoid knowing where the film screwed things up as an adaptation, and I think I'm a little more forgiving than others with it. Having said that, there were still some bothersome things about it. We have stiff acting and bad direction, even considering some of the cast (I'm looking at you, Kingsley) along with some rough dialogue and editing here and there, and it's certainly not something I feel like I need to see again. But I will say that of the Boll video game adaptations, this has been the most tolerable so far. I may not be its biggest fan, but I can think of a few who might check it out based on their interest in vampire stories. 2/5 Once again, with this particular adaptation, I tend to be an odd man out. Despite the fact that 'Doom' fans, for the most part, seem to actively hate this movie and how it tackles things, I tend to think there are far worse video game adaptations out there. Does it represent the games perfectly? No. But I admit that the overall aesthetic of the film is something that genuinely reminds me of the games. It may not be right on, but it's certainly not so horribly off as looking at "Goombas" in 'Super Mario Bros'. I'd say that all the right elements are here, it's just that a hack and slash game like 'Doom' is hard to make into something to take seriously. Opening in 2026 (so soon), deep below the Nevada Desert, a portal to an ancient Martian city is discovered and named "The Ark". Jumping to 2046, a group of personnel at the Union Aerospace Corporation research facility on Mars are attacked by an unknown source, sending eight Marines into action after a distress call from Dr. Carmack (Robert Russell). Said marines, lead by Sarge (Dwayne Johnson - still credited as "The Rock") include John "Reaper" Grimm (Karl Urban), Destroyer (Deobia Oparei), Goat (Ben Daniels), Duke (Razaaq Adoti), Portman (Richard Brake), Mac (Yao Chin), and a rookie going by The Kid (Al Weaver). Their mission is to search and destroy whatever caused the distress call, and retrieve computer data from their various science experiments. Upon reaching Mars, the Marines meet up with UAC employee Pinky (Dexter Fletcher) and Reaper finds his sister, Dr. Sam Grimm (Rosamund Pike). They learn that a dig site was reopened where an ancient, genetically enhanced humanoid race was discovered. But little do they know just how heavy things are about to get, and their search, destroy, retrieval mission soon turns into a living Hell, as they are eventually picked off, one by one, by mysterious and demon-like creatures. The film also does a decent job of keeping us guessing as to who the real villain is here, as one particular character goes the other direction after a while. So while not perfect, all of the right elements do seem to be here. Well, except for one very important, key thing to the games, and I therefore understand why fans are upset. The setting here is LIKE Hell, but it's not actually Hell as the games would suggest. These creatures aren't the Imps and Hell Knights we all know and love so much as genetically altered humanoids that look demonic. I suppose this was done for a couple of reasons. For one, 'Event Horizon' had already done Hell in space as far as film is concerned, and secondly, for a general movie-going audience, human experimentation might be a little scarier than the simplicity of Hell. Facing facts, the games are incredibly simplified. Go fight demons and try not to die. I can agree with the disappointment of there not being Hell on Mars here, as it would have been such a simple change. But it wasn't enough to completely ruin things for me, either. I managed to just see it as an alternate take while all the right elements were still there. The film includes some of our favourite doom items, which help make it a bit more like the game. There are doors that need the right key cards, a med-kit is requested to heal someone, the "steroids" (or at least some kind of drug) is present, the BFG exists here as the cool big weapon Dwayne Johnson wants to use against the creatures he's fighting, and above all else, the best scene of the movie is from a first-person perspective as the character does indeed hack and slash his way through things. All in all, adaptation wise, I might actually consider this to be one of the slightly better ones out there as long as you can work around the whole "no Hell" idea. It could have been better, sure, but I guarantee you it could have been a Hell of a lot worse. 3/5 |