Neil Breen is a pretty fascinating character, having directed, starred in, written and independently produced a total of six films that have gained a cult following over the years in the same way movies like 'The Room' have. This one is among the more famous of the bunch, but if you're like me and love watching train-wrecks such as this, his other titles include 'Double Down', 'I Am Here... Now', 'Pass Thru', 'Twisted Pair' and 'Cade: The Tortured Crossing'. This is a man trying to make some real artsy stuff, but all it does is leave one flabbergasted. I have yet to see any of Breen's other fine works of cinema, but I can say in all honesty that this is by far one of the most accidentally hilarious films I've ever seen. Actually, in many ways it reminds me of 'The Room' as far as it being something that's trying to be taken as a serious drama, but it can't possibly be taken seriously with how god-awful everything about it it. It also creates the same happy accident 'The Room' did in that the film is actually entertaining as hell, we'd come out to a group screening of it just for a fun and pay for it but for all the wrong reasons. The plot of this thing is ultimately confusing and all over the place, but with the help of Wiki's write-up on it, I'll try my best to explain whatever the hell is going on with this thing. It all opens far in the past where we meet young, 8-year-old versions of our lead, Dylan (Jack Batoni) and a girl he seems smitten with named Leah (Brianna Borden). They have a "magical summer" together, the highlight of which is finding some weird black rock of some sort with seemingly magical properties. Soon enough, however, Leah has to move away, and the pair are separated for decades. A now grown-up Dylan (Breen) has since become a successful novelist, married to Emily (Klara Landrat) with whom he shares several terribly drawn-out conversations full of pregnant pauses and a roller coaster of emotions, which make for a lot of the accidental humour throughout the film. The acting in this is absolutely atrocious, and it doesn't end with these two. Anyway, a car comes along one day and nails Breeny on his beanie, hospitalizing him, but not before he's given what seems to be the same black rock from his childhood by the lady who hit him. Dylan recovers from his injuries real quick, and he believes the mysterious black stone to be responsible for it. In the meantime, he keeps getting harassed by his publisher about his next book which drives him to bouts of anger, severe headaches, fatigue and laptop destruction. If there's one famous takeaway from this movie, it has to be the amount of laptops Dylan wrecks. In fact, just for an idea, here's a little montage I found on YouTube that I kinda hope steers anyone who hasn't watched this yet in the direction of checking it out. With everything, I guess, getting to him, Dylan starts work on NO MORE BOOKS and, instead, uses his hacking abilities to, with a simple series of buzzwords, hack into the government and figure out all of their corporate secrets or... something nonsensical like that, anyway. The point being, he's going to use his skills to uncover deep dark secrets the government has and write an exposé about it. Meanwhile, his wife has gotten pill-happy on prescription medication, leading to bad acting becoming a hell of a lot worse, but also funny. Then there's the other couple in the film, Dylan's best friend, Jim (David Silva) and his wife, Amy (Victoria Viveiros). They have their own whole awful side-story here in which they have marital problems and are constantly arguing, mostly about Jim's alcoholism. But their arguments are, again, accidentally funny as hell with their shared overacting and horrendous dialogue. To be perfectly honest, I have seen school plays with far superior acting and writing, but it all still just adds to what makes this so much fun. Just to add to things, we have a fair share of creepiness going on here with the Breeninator. He seems to have a real thing about wanting to be shot in the nude (without really showing anything). Sometimes it's with his head bandaged up with his wife in the shower, sometimes it's during his nightmares about a book in what looks like a room lined with trash bags. And if that's not enough, he writes about Jim and Amy's underage daughter, Aly (Danielle Andrade) having a crush on him. Thankfully nothing is too overboard, but one can't deny that Neil Breen most definitely gives off a creeper vibe.
The whole thing ends with a completely over-the-top scene that just sort of adds to how off-the-wall Neil Breen's ideas are. Make no mistake, this is one of the worst movies ever created and that's not even up for debate. I would even say that it's on par with the quality of 'The Room' if not actually a little bit worse, if that's even possible. So if you're like me and love a good-bad movie, seek this one out, have a group of friends over and have one of the strangest, but best laughs you've had while watching a movie. 1/5
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