I'll Be Home for Christmas

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Christmas 2019

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Every once in a while, you hear discussion about a movie that comes across as being so incredibly bad that enough curiosity gathers in your mind to make you wanna see it for yourself.​ Usually, this is to try to see something so bad, it's good. I decided to check this one out based on that, but unfortunately, it turns out that it's just plain bad.

For something that's supposed to be a Christmas movie, it has so little to do with Christmas spirit. It's really just a movie about a little asshole who's trying to get home for Christmas, based on a bribe. I think he does one or two generous things along the way, but none of it develops his character, and the entire movie just falls flat.

We are introduced to a college student named Jake Wilkinson (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), who hasn't been home for any holidays since his mother died. As a result, his father (Gary Cole) offers him a bribe, offering up his Porsche for Jake to use once he gets there. Jake caves at the bribe, but finds himself in a Santa suit, complete with glued-on beard, in the middle of the desert instead. This is a result of him not giving the football team the correct answers to a test. Now, he must find a way to get home by 6:00 on Christmas Eve, with a sports car fueling his desire to be home far more than his family.

Before all this desert drop-off stuff happens, we also meet Jake's girlfiend, Allie (Jessica Biel), who is disappointed in him after he tries to provide Christmastime tickets to an exotic location, after knowing full well that she plans to be with her family. As a result, she ends up hitching a ride with Jake's romantic competition, the incredibly one-dimensional Eddie (Adam LaVorgna). I might also mention that all three characters just so happen to come from the exact same town, which is a pretty huge coincidence, considering how far they have to travel to get to the end credits.

The bottom line here is that the movie is a gigantic waste of time. Jake sort of ends up learning a little something by the end, but its nothing too deep. This is no 'Christmas Carol' or 'Wonderful Life' or even, I daresay, 'Christmas Star' in its ultimate lesson. But honestly, I got nothing from this at all. Jake's lead home by a bribe, his romantic competition, Eddie, is just another version of him, and even Allie isn't altogether likable. There's just no one to route for here, and I found myself simply not caring about anything by the end. Disney has much better Christmas movies to choose from. This one has very little going for it, if anything. It's a simple cash-in for the JTT heartthrob audience, and that's about the extent of this movie's heart.

1/5 

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