 In my search for this horror/comedy review collection, I stumbled on this title quite a bit. It seemed to come pretty highly recommended by various lists, and the images that I was able to see taken from the film certainly intrigued me. I could tell just by a few details that this was going to be something I enjoyed, and I'm happy to say that I definitely was not mistaken. This is one of the finest examples of all-around creativity I've seen in a film to date, and we all know how I'm a sucker for imagination put into a film.
Things open up with Dave's (Nick Thune) girlfriend, Annie (Meera Rohit Kumbhani) coming back to their apartment after having been away for the weekend. Upon entering, she notices a fair-sized cardboard fort has been constructed in the middle of things, while Dave's voice comes from it. Dave explains that he's built an elaborate labyrinth, and has become lost within it. He insists on having no one enter it, as things are too dangerous and people could get lost or caught in one of his booby traps. We also learn it can't just be knocked down, as it's actually a pretty gigantic structure that goes far further than just the apartment. Annie calls Dave's good friend Gordon (Adam Busch) over to assess the situation, and Gordon, in turn, invites a whole whack of other guests over as well, including their friends Leonard (Scott Krinsky), Brynn (Stephanie Allynne), Greg (Timothy Nordwind), Jane (Kirsten Vangsness) and last but not leats, a filmmaker named Harry (James Urbaniak), his boom operator (Frank Caeti) and cameraman (Scott Narver). Eventually, the fascination with the alleged complex maze within the simple cardboard box fort leads these people inside in an attempt to rescue Dave, and help him find his way out. Once in the maze, that's where the film takes a crazy turn with its imagination and just goes all out with things. Booby traps are sprung, for example, causing plenty of blood and gore, giving this horror/comedy its horror element. However, the gore is made up of things like red confetti, ribbons and other things one might see used as fake blood on a stage play. Beyond that, however, is the overall environment of the maze itself. It's all created with layered cardboard, paper, etc. and decorated both simply but elaborately. Think of it as a giant cardboard fort that a group of children constructed over the course of a summer or something. It's pretty simple stuff, but at the same time, you can't not think it's kind of awesome. Things do not end on simple elaborate design, however. As I said, this is also loaded with imagination. One of the finest examples of this includes the group entering a room in which they all transform into paper bag puppets. Why? I have no idea whatsoever, but it's proof that they weren't afraid to go all out on this one instead of just thinking "nah, that's kinda dumb". There's also a minotaur that chases them around all throughout the maze, a strange portal that can transform you into cardboard if you touch it, and just pure works of art as far as the eye can see. This came from a genuinely creative mind who wanted to have fun with things. All in all, this makes me think a LOT of being a kid and building forts in my basement. Things would transform just enough that it felt like a different room altogether, and we'd play games in there and such. It's almost like director Bill Waterson is a grown-up tapping into that childlike mentality and taking it to the next level - like what if we still thought like this? Beyond that, there's also a pretty strong message in here about the creative process, not being able to finish things and the frustrations of trying to create something perfect. One could think of the maze as Dave's own frustrated imagination at work as his friends travel through it trying to help him. One can find this movie on Shudder at the moment, but otherwise, I'm afraid it's a pretty hard one to come across. That said, if you can find a way to watch it, this is one of my high recommendations for those of you who want to see something fun, original, creative and new. It's like I tell people, and this is further proof of it as far as I'm concerned, new and original movies DO still exist, they're just much harder to find now. This is also more of a comedy than it is a horror (especially with the blood not being remotely real), so just keep that in mind if you're coming here for the creepy factor. This may end up being one I want to show visitors when they come by though. If you can find a way to watch it, do check it out. It's bizarre, but really well done! 4/5
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 I may have mentioned this already, but Taika Waititi has grown over the years as one of my favourites when it comes to directing. He's a fine example of someone whose material that I have seen, I've never really been disappointed in. From 'What We Do in the Shadows' to 'Thor: Ragnarok' and even a bit of TV with 'Wellington Paranormal', he seems to hit the mark every time. The man knows how to entertain, my fandom for him just keeps growing, and this movie is no exception. It just makes me want to see more.
We meet a juvenile delinquent named Ricky Baker (Julian Dennison), who has been given a new home through child welfare with his kindly new foster aunt, Bella (Rima Te Wiata), and her crotchety husband, Hector - nicknamed "Hec" (Sam Neill). Bella is very successful in forming a relationship with Ricky, but Hec really keeps to himself, and even sees the boy as a sort of unnecessary burden that he's putting up with. One day, things fall apart when Bella suddenly passes, and Hec prepares to give Ricky back to child services. This leads to Ricky faking suicide and running away with his dog, Tupac. Soon enough, however, Hec finds the lost Ricky in the bush, and an injury to Hec's ankle has the two of them camping out for a little while. Meanwhile, back at the house, authorities find it abandoned, with some damage to the barn (caused by Ricky's fake suicide) and conclude that a bereaved and unstable Hec has kidnapped Ricky. But while authorities search for the pair, Hec has a nasty criminal record and Ricky's fate if brought in by authorities at this point could only be bad. With that, the two decide to head into the woods together; fugitives of sorts, ducking and dodging authority figures. And don't worry, the movie has a better explanation than I do about why these two are being chased. With all of that, hopefully, I didn't spoil too much in my description. But anyway, essentially we have Alan Grant of 'Jurassic Park' trying to take care of and bond with the pain-in-the-ass kid from 'Deadpool 2'. I mean, it already sounds kind of fun, doesn't it? Especially when all he wanted to really do in the first place is get rid of the boy. That's nothing against actor Julian Dennison, but he manages to find himself somewhat typecast. Between this, 'Deadpool 2' and 'Christmas Chronicles 2', he seems to always land a role as a kid we're supposed to get irritated with, yet sympathize for. I think he's got talent, but he needs to land something where he can really flex his acting muscles. With that said, however, this predates other things I've seen him in, so it could be said that the trend started here. It's also fitting to play off of Sam Neil's character. Their chemistry is honestly quite good here. I like the idea that this takes the father/son concept and makes it completely reluctant. Neither Ricky nor Hec want to really be with each other here, but they're forced to be and made to look out for one another. What gives it the extra "zip" is that these two aren't lost, scared and alone so much as they're survivors on the run from authorities. It often results in hilarity, but it's balanced very well with a good amount of drama. As far as Taika Waititi's material goes (that I have seen), I would put this level to something like 'Jojo Rabbit'. All in all, it IS a drama, but it's a drama that's full of laughs that can STILL manage to make you tear up. Waititi seems to be very good at being able to gauge our every emotion, even though he leans towards comedy first. After seeing this, I've convinced myself that I need to check out some of his material that I haven't seen yet. For any fans of his who haven't checked this title out yet, I'm gonna highly recommend it. I may have liked 'Jojo' a bit better, but this is very close in comparison, especially with such a good soundtrack full of indie music. 4/5  Topping off these B movies is the truly unique 'Angry Red Planet'. While definitely landing under the category of "so bad it's good", I have to at least give the film a little bit of credit for creativity. We see it in the cinematography, as it makes everything on Mars an odd shade of red (almost like a photo negative), and in the creature design - most famously, if you Google this movie, you're bound to see a giant crab, spider, bat... thing. It's would-be nightmare fuel if it didn't look so corny.
The film also goes by the names 'Invasion of Mars' (not to be confused with 'Invaders from Mars') and 'Journey to Planet Four'. The interesting mix of (RED/ORANGE) colours in the Mars scenery, and hilariously designed creatures are largely due to a low budget time restraint of only nine days to film! Could you imagine filming a whole movie in nine days!? Even famously rushed films get about a month (give or take). Anyway, this gave way to "CineMagic", which combines hand-drawn animation with live-action (way before 'Roger Rabbit'). However, the process created clearly terrible-looking stuff (even if it feels original), and was only seemingly used once more for a 'Three Stooges' movie. As for the film, it opens with mission control awaiting the arrival of the "Mars Rocket 1", following the first manned mission to Mars. On its way in, however, ground technicians can't seem to communicate with the astronauts. The ship is safely landed by remote control, and only two of the four crewmembers are found alive; Dr. Iris Ryan (Naura Hayden) and Col. Tom O'Bannion (Gerald Mohr). O'Bannion's arm is covered in a strange alien gunk, and this ultimately leads to a "how did we get here?" story, as Ryan explains the mission in detail during her debriefing. So most of the film is a story in memory. As one can probably expect, this is full of all the wonderful cheese that we've come to expect from your average 50's B movie (1959, specifically). The ultimate message, in the end, had a lot to do with how advancing technology is a dangerous thing. But the final bit of the movie where this message takes place is actually too funny to spoil. It's not a big deal, but when all said and done, it's totally laughable (which probably doesn't come as much of a surprise). And for as much credit as I may give the film for originality, none of that actually makes the movie any good. I mean, a log of poop that can breathe fire and speak fluently is original too, but try handing that idea into a big-time producer. Simply put, this is, like most B movies of the era, super fun and corny. It's an acid trip of a romp, loaded with the finest cheese, and almost has to be seen to be believed with some of the choices made. Fair warning, things start really slow. So don't fret if you're not laughing at the absurdity of everything from the get-go. Personally speaking, I found things got "good" right around the time you first see Mars' surface. But with that said, it's a part of Amazon Prime's collection if you're a subscriber. So if you have about an hour and a half with which to lose your mind, head on over and check it out 2/5  Perhaps one may know this better by its other long, drawn out name, "The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent". Either way you name it, it's still another hilariously bad piece of the Roger Corman collection. This movie made me laugh so many times, but often for the wrong reasons. There's a sort of over-the-top hilarity to it all in that it's trying to be a step forward for women, but it's really taking two steps back. After all, this was still 1957.
The film features a group of Viking women whose men have gone on some kind of venture, and haven't returned. It opens with the women deciding on whether they go out looking for their men by throwing spears at a tree. How anything is really decided here, I have no idea, but it's al null and void once their leader, Desir (Abby Dalton) makes the decision for them. They head out, along with the only dude left on the island, Ottar (Jonathan Haze), who insists he goes with them because they're women and need a man to go along. You instantly question what he's even doing there while all the other men left, and the movie makes it sad but clear. Anyway, the women (and Ottar) decide to depart on a kind of lousy boat, which is eventually attacked by a sea serpent, and they soon find themselves stranded somewhere that just so happens to be the same place their men are. A race of savage, but very well-spoken men called the Grimaults find them, and take them all captive. Lead by the ruthless Stark (Richard Devon), the women are shown that their men have since become slaves, working for the Grimaults in the mines. Soon this all leads to an escape plot, with Desir and her man, Vedric (Brad Jackson) at the wheel. So, needless to say, this is an extremely dated movie. There seems to be some sort of effort for the time in giving women a voice - but their voice is written by Roger Corman. About the best this does is show that women can do what men can do... like row a boat. It carries with it, the old fashioned thinking of a woman needing a man in order to, not only be happy, but honestly live. For comparison, look at 'Wonder Woman' and the land of Themyscira - that's a society of women who just plain don't need men, and they're doing great on their own. Here, though, the women go looking for their men as a sort of "need" - especially when it comes to going unloved. The sad truth is that a lot of that old age thinking is in a lot of the dialogue, and I couldn't help but laugh at so much of it. There's even one dude who keeps whipping people, but the amount of randomized times he does it makes for an honest to God running gag. Everything about this movie that's hilarious is a bad thing, be it abuse, overall treatment of women in the script, or how guys spoke about women. To make things perfectly clear though, it's funny in the context that it's such ridiculousness to even consider nowadays. This isn't like watching a movie from the 80s where it gets awkward because of some of the terms used. This is a bit more like... 'Reefer Madness' in that the context is so crazy, it's funny. So, in my humble opinion, this is really quite worthy of landing on anyone's eventual long list of films that are "so bad, they're good". Even though there's nothing particularly good about this movie, I still had a great time watching it. I think there may come a time on this site of mine that I will have to squeeze in a Roger Corman special, because I'm slowly learning how fun his movies actually are. For those curious, one can find it, absolutely free on YouTube. It just might be under its original title. 2/5  For yours truly, there really is something about the horror comedy that comes from the British commonwealth. A lot of it has to do with the fact that they always seem to have such fun with things, and you know that with these you're almost always in for a really solid B movie. Here we have an Irish creature feature that's no exception, and I honestly just want to see more horror comedy from Ireland now.
We are introduced to Garda Ciarán O'Shea (Richard Coyle), and Garda Lisa Nolan (Ruth Bradley). "Garda", for anyone unfamiliar can roughly be translated to "Officer". O'Shea is a resentful alcoholic lazybones who somewhat resents Nolan, his new workaholic partner who takes a job on a remote Irish island where the townsfolk have discovered mutilated whale corpses along the beach. Soon enough, it is revealed that a group of tentacled aliens, varying in size, are the source of the attack. Where things get really fun here are when the town lush, Paddy (Lalor Roddy) remarkably survives an attack, and it's soon theorized by local marine ecologist, Dr. Smith (Russell Tovey) that alcohol is their best defense. While these creatures thrive on water and blood, alcohol seems to provide a sort of poison to them. So, indeed, a lot of the humour to this movie does come from drunken Irish dialogue. But seeing as this is from the Irish, it makes me think a lot aboot us here in Canada embracing our stereotypes so well, eh? I don't think there's a whole lot else left to say about it, so here we have a pretty short review. I think if I were to compare it to anything as far as "mood" goes with American films, it's a lot like 'Eight-Legged Freaks' in that it's a B movie that recognizes itself as a B movie, and it's one of the finer examples of, once again, a nation embracing its stereotypes and just having a good time with things. I thought this was actually a lot of fun, and I do tend to have a sort of bias towards modern B movies like this. Unfortunately, however, this one is pretty damn hard to find, so one will certainly have to do some digging in order to find and enjoy it. But if you can find it (currently rentable from Apple TV), and you enjoy these kinds of movies as much as I do, AND can get past some of the language, I recommend grabbing some salty snacks, plenty of beer, and enjoying the silly sci-fi fun that is 'Grabbers'. 4/5  Here we have the second half of 'Grindhouse', directed by Quentin Tarantino. I saw it once before, have since generally considered it Tarantino's poorest work since then. The catch is, there's supposed to be a "badness" to 'Grindhouse', so in some respects, I get it. But cards on the table, I just thought it dragged - that is until that climactic car chase, which I will definitely give to the movie for keeping me on the edge of my seat for those last 20 minutes or so.
Up until that point, our plot (which I'm poorly going to explain now due to my boredom) basically involves a stuntman by the name of Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) who meets a handful of women in a bar, Arlene (Vanessa Ferlito), Shanna (Jordan Ladd), radio DJ "Jungle" Julia Lucai (Sydney Tamiia Poitier), Lanna (Monica Staggs) and the innocent Pam (Rose McGowan). Eventually, Mike carries out his serial killer tactics on them with his 1970 Chevy Nova that happens to be, as the title suggests, "Death Proof" to the driver - not so death proof to whoever happens to be a passenger. Do these ladies survive? I'll never tell. Months later, however, a new handful of women enter Mike's territory; hair and makeup artist Abernathy (Rosario Dawson), stuntwoman Kim (Tracie Thoms), Lee, the actress (Mary Elizabeth-Winstead) and eventually, real-life stuntwoman as herself, Zoë Bell. Long story short, Mike may very well meet his match with these ladies, and their stunt driving situation is by far the better half of this movie. The first half I find is still just talk and more talk that doesn't seem to really go anywhere. In a movie like this, although the action is great when it is on screen, I hardly feel like there's enough of it. I guess I hoped for more balls to the wall action as opposed to a lot of conversation. Having said that, I'm not fool. Tarantino absolutely has a gift for dialogue. If you're into his directorial style mainly because he's so good at writing dialogue, you might feel better about this movie than I do. Personally, my Tarantino fandom comes a little more from his dark sense of humour. Whatever it is he works on, he hasn't lost his fondness for the fun of movie-making, and he's one of the only directors out there who can have a massive cult following while being Oscar bait at the same time. 'Death Proof' most definitely lands more in his cult category though, and I think you just have to be the right kind of fan to really like this one. Personally speaking, for me, the best part of this involved the preceding trailers. I got such a good laugh from all of them, and really wish they could become real movies as well. Among them are Rob Zombie's 'Werewolf Women of the SS', Edgar Wright's 'Don't' and Eli Roth's 'Thanksgiving'. This adds a whole level of fun to everything, as they are each just fun fake trailers these guys made up to contribute to the 'Grindhouse' project. So while I don't hate 'Death Proof' and consider certain elements that save it (namely the trailers and the climax), I still think Tarantino just has much better films out there to choose from. Again, it's all a matter of taste. This could be considered a favourite by many just because it highlights Tarantino by showing off things like dialogue skills, action, style, his cameo and a whole bunch of bare feet. I can certainly give this a solid pass based on certain aspects of it, and maybe it's simply not so much for me but for the hardcore fans. I'm fairly basic when it comes to Tarantino as my fave will always and forever be 'Pulp Fiction', and to me, this doesn't really come close in quality. But for all I know, this could very well be the best choice for highlighting his skill set. One thing I can at least admit to here is that, despite still considering it as Tarantino's weakest film, I did manage to get more out of it the second time around. Who knows, with time, maybe it can grow on me. 3/5  Back in 2007, directors, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino decided to take cinema back to the days of the grindhouse theater with a double-feature simply known as, well, 'Grindhouse'. These old school theaters were also known as "action houses", and would air low-budget films aimed at adults with plenty of action, gore, sex, whatever might get your film a hard R to X-rating. The first movie on the list is Robert Rodriguez's 'Planet Terror'.
But first, a "prevue" of 'Machete' from Rodriguez as the first of a few fake trailers throughout the presentation. Another three would be seen before 'Death Proof', and in some places, one for 'Hobo with a Shotgun' could be seen. Of course, only 'Machete' and 'Hobo' eventually became real movies, themselves (with the original fake trailers being quite a bit different than the actual films), but never say never to the other ones eventually coming to a theater (or home) near you. The trailers are one of the most fun aspects of 'Grindhouse', as they're so delightfully over the top. However, we have to get to our feature presentation eventually, right? 'Planet Terror' sort of has three stories that eventually end up rolling into one. First, we meet a Texas go-go dancer named Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan) who quits her job, and ends up running into her ex-boyfriend, El Wray (Freddy Rodríguez). Meanwhile, a Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis) tries to get his hands on the dangerous chemical, DC2. A transaction goes wrong when his supplier, Abby (Naveen Andrews), ends up causing chemical a leak during a struggle, turning much of the town into zombies. This eventually brings in our third story, with doctors Dakota and William Block (Marley Shelton and Josh Brolin, respectively). In the process of trying to treat the infected, it's revealed that Dakota is having an affair, making William a little destructive and forcing Dakota on the run with their son, Tony (Rebel Rodriguez). Without going into too much detail, as the town is being overrun by horrors, each character has to deal with their own problems while trying to fend off zombies; most prominent being Cherry getting her leg eaten off, and for most of the film, walking around on a stick - until the stick becomes a gun, and we have the quintessential badass movie poster character. For the most part, it's a survival horror movie, but doesn't quite feel like your typical zombie movie. These are zombies that can seem to think for themselves pretty well - they can operate tools, for example. It certainly gives you all the fun of a zombie flick, but does so with a certain level of badassery that only someone like Rodriguez can deliver. What I admire most here is how these movies are filmed with graininess, scratches, burn marks and the like, making it look super low budget. There's even a pretty brilliant moment here where the screen goes to black and apologizes to us for the missing reel. I think it's a choice of style to be admired, as it shows that we can still have a lot of fun with film. In a way, 'Grindhouse' has managed to pick up a lost art and bring it back. Sure, we have a good share of "brutal" movies today, but it has reached the mainstream by today's horror standards. However, I must say, there's something about the grainy style that really lends itself to the horrors involved, and puts 'Grindhouse' in its own dark little corner. I had a lot of fun with 'Planet Terror'. It's ridiculous, but there's also an odd horrific charm to it, plus... c'mon, Rose McGowan with a gun leg is totally awesome. 4/5  The final Oscar-nominated film for Best Animated Picture that I want to look at this month is 2018's 'Isle of Dogs'. This one was nominated alongside Pixar's 'Incredibles 2', Disney's 'Ralph Breaks the Internet', and another under-the-radar anime called 'Mirai'. Everything lost to 'Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse', which I never saw coming, but loved. Truth be told, I thought this might take it, based on the style and the director's name alone. It was awesome seeing Spidey win, but this had to be a very close second that year - even with Disney and Pixar in the running.
Taking place in the fictional city of Megasaki, Japan, the story opens up with an outbreak of canine influenza, risking a contagious effect towards humans. As a result, Mayor Kenji Kobayashi (Kunichi Nomura) ratifies a decree, banishing all dogs to Trash Island. Kobayashi's opponent, Professor Watanabe (Akira Ito), mentions that he is very close in finding a cure for the canine disease, but despite this, the plan goes through, banishing the first dog. The dog in question is Spots (Liev Schreiber); the once bodyguard of a 12-year-old orphan named Atari Kobayashi, who is the mayor's nephew and ward. Six months later, the island is full of dogs, earning it the nickname "Isle of Dogs". Here, we meet our five lead pooches, Chief (Bryan Cranston), Rex (Edward Norton), King (Bob Balaban), Duke (Jeff Goldblum), and Boss (Bill Murray). One day, Atari hijacks a plane, flies it to the island, crash-lands, and meets these dogs. Soon enough, they somewhat all understand each other, and it's revealed that Atari has come to the island in search of Spots. The dogs help Atari on his search, they face certain dangers and obstacles along the way, and much of the story involves Chief's character development as opposed to the boy in search of his dog. Being a life-long stray, Chief learns a few things about what it means to have a human in his life. Meanwhile, Professor Watanabe continues to develop a cure in the hopes of bringing man's best friend back around. However, some suspect a conspiracy to get rid of all of the dogs, namely American exchange student, Tracy Walker (Greta Gerwig), a member of a pro-dog activist group, wanting to expose the possibly corrupt mayor. Let's just say with the way things are in the world right now considering disease and various conspiracies, it might not be the best thing to check out for the time being. On the other hand, I have to say it's still a pretty damn good movie that gets every emotion going - especially if you're an animal lover of any kind (especially dogs). There's a lot to like about this movie, starting with this particular Wes Anderson style of stop-motion animation (the other being 'Fantastic Mr. Fox'). I appreciate its overall simplicity, but things like individual hairs moving in the "wind" are really cool details other stop motion movies never seem to utilize. The style gives the film an almost wild feeling, which makes all the more sense, considering what it's depicting. Meanwhile, the humans of the movie look a lot like plastic action figures, which may or may not mean something. There's far less detail to the human figures, almost as if the film pushes the dogs to the forefront stylistically as well as story-wise. Another detail that makes this one a bit of a gem is the voice talent. Other than who I've mentioned, we also have an ex show-dog named Nutmeg (Scarlett Johansson), and two sort of seer dogs, Jupiter (F. Murray Abraham) and Oracle (Tilda Swinton) who sees "visions" through the TV, allowing her to predict things like the weather. We also have head "cannibal" dog, Gondo (Harvey Keitel) and the interpreter (Frances McDormand) who narrates much of the story through news reels Last but not least, and perhaps most interesting, Yoko Ono playing assistant scientist Yoko Ono. She doesn't pop up until near the end, so there would be a potential spoiler in her character's purpose. On top of the voice talent, Anderson also made the decision to have the Japanese actors here speak in their native tongue, without translating much of it to English. Meanwhile, the dogs speak perfect English. It's interesting that it feels somewhat like we're viewing the "mainland" story as an outsider, unable to understand the language completely. However, when it comes to the dogs, we understand them completely. It makes me wonder if it was our of respect for Japanese culture, to be more in touch with our animal friends, or a little bit of both. Either way, the film was a joy to watch, being both fascinating in its style and execution, and funny when it comes to that Anderson sense of humor. 4/5  Released back in 2015, 'Shaun the Sheep' proved to us that sometimes less is more, and provided the world with a wonderful, down-to-earth, feel-good movie for the whole family. There's nothing that especially stands out about this title, but that's sort of what's so good about it. This is one of those "comfort food" movies you might watch if you're stuck at home, bored, and really need a pick-me-up. Incidentally, one can find it on Prime for the low, low rental price of a mere 99 cents. The price is most definitely right for what it is!
Stemming from the British animated series (also found on Prime), the film's central focus is Shaun (Justin Fletcher); a young sheep who lives alongside his flock at Mossy Bottom Farm. The routine on the farm is very much the same daily grind, and Shaun decides out of boredom that he needs a day off. A plan is made to have the farmer (John Sparkes) sleep through the day, but the flock ends up stashing the farmer in a trailer that rolls into the big city, while the farmer's loyal dog, Bitzer (also John Sparkes), chases after it. The farmer is eventually bonked on his head, causing memory loss, and through a series of events finds himself as a celebrity barber, derived from a vague memory of shearing. Meanwhile, the sheep find life too difficult at the farm without the farmer, so they all put on human disguises and head into town to look for him. Along the way, the flock eventually reunites with Bitzer who wants to find the farmer even more than they do, so he's happy to help despite the fact that he's upset at them for letting things happen. However, they also come across a maniacal animal catcher named A. Trumper (Omid Djalili), who Shaun, Bitzer and the other sheep have to constantly dodge while trying to reunite with the farmer. That's basically the gist of things - it's what I might call a fun Sunday afternoon adventure. I'm only really speaking for myself here, but I'd be hard-pressed not to say "yes" to an Aardman animation title for a simple pick-me-up. One might be more familiar with their 'Wallace and Gromit' titles, or 'Chicken Run', but much of the time their style is unmistakable. Those exaggerated mouths tend to sort of be the trademark of the company. In any case, these guys know how to put a smile on my face with their cheery, family-friendly material that has just a dose or two of adult humor. In one scene here, involving the City Animal Shelter, there's a cat with a cone around its neck doing a Hannibal Lector impression, but it can't possibly be scene as creepy because it's so funny. As far as its Oscar nomination goes, it lost to Pixar's 'Inside-Out', but most people saw what the lineup was and even though I love 'Inside-Out', even I have to admit it was far too obvious that year. Of course, that's not to say any of the other films were bad at all. But consider 'Inside-Out' which everyone and their mother's still know about vs this title, Ghibli's 'When Marnie Was There', 'Anomalisa' and 'Boy and the World'. Does anyone reading this remember any of them, other than perhaps the Ghibli title? Anyway, I daresay this could have been a solid runner-up, but I'm still upset that somehow 'The Peanuts Movie' got diddly-squat that year! But I digress. Whether this received any major awards or not, this is still well-worth the watch, especially if you need some cheering up. It's got an upbeat soundtrack to it, the atmosphere is mainly pretty bright and cheery, it provides quite a few laugh out loud moments, and it amazingly does everything without any speech at all. There are voices, yes, but the communication here is all done with gibberish, grunting and body language. Part of the brilliance of this film is that you understand exactly what's going on at any given time and there's absolutely no dialogue. Once again, it just goes to show that sometimes less is more. I highly recommend this ray of sunshine to provide anyone with light on these dark days. 5/5  While the Oscars are currently scheduled for April, we would normally be in Oscar Month by now. Thus, I wanted to do a "Round 2" of the animated Academy Award nominees from past years that tend to go overlooked. Our first example is a lovely little French film called 'Ernest & Celestine' (which I watched the English dub of). This one lost to 'Frozen' in 2013, and also had to deal with the likes of 'Despicable Me 2', 'The Croods' and Ghibli's 'The Wind Rises'. In other words, it didn't really stand a chance. But with that said, I can easily still recommend it for the right audience.
As the film opens, we are introduced to a young mouse named Celestine (Pauline Brunner/Mackenzie Foy) who lives in an underground world at an orphanage. Their caretaker; "The Gray One" (Anne-Marie Loop/Lauren Bacall) tells the orphan children foreboding stories at night about the bears who live above them. Celestine has her doubts about the "must-eat" nature of these bears, but the stories are nevertheless effectively creepy. In this rodent world, all rodents study dentistry, as good teeth used for building and burrowing are key to their lifestyle. The children are to go up to the surface and act as "mouse tooth fairies", collecting bear cub teeth which these mouse dentists use as replacement rodent incisors. Celestine isn't altogether interested, however, and would rather do something artistic. When she is told by the Head Dentist (Dominique Collignon/William H. Macy) that she's severely behind on her tooth quota, Celestine heads to the surface and is chased into a trash can by a family of bears, where she is found by a destitute and reclusive bear named Ernest (Lambert Wilson/Forest Whitaker). Celestine eventually convinces him to help her out by robbing a dental office of its extracted teeth. At first, things go swimmingly. Celestine is praised for her tooth-collecting, and there's cause for celebration, until the rodents find Ernest in their midst and blame Celestine for bringing him. The pair are chased out, and soon find themselves on the run - Celestine for bringing Ernest down into their world, and Ernest for his thievery. As one can probably tell out of context, this is very much a movie that portrays different societal understandings of different cultures. This is a world where a city of bears and an underground community of rodents pretty much hate each other, yet the rodents rely on the bears to provide them with teeth, and the bears simply see the rodents in the same way many humans see them as vermin. As sad as it is to say, we can make that symbolic towards some people when it comes to race, culture, creed, lifestyle, gender, the list goes on. It may not be a new and different thing to watch with the way things are today, as many movies are providing many messages in recent years (and the fight still goes on). But this was 2012, and though I'm not 100% on it, I don't think the message it conveys was as out there as it is now. All in all, I enjoyed this one. It provides a pretty interesting atmosphere in that it seems to flip-flop things. The underground rodent world is so dark and creepy, but they are the ones who fear the above-ground world which is essentially just bears doing regular human stuff. I further appreciate the simplistic 2-D animation, proving once again that sometimes less is more. Some of the decisions made in the animators' artistry are genuinely beautiful, and really stand out. I particularly enjoy one final shot of the film that's incredibly minimalist, but provides an image that sort of says it all. I can recommend this largely for a younger audience, but I'd be hard-pressed to say adults wouldn't get anything out of it just as well. I'm still not entirely sure I'd say it's even that Oscar-worthy, but its a positive film worth checking out in one's spare time, nonetheless. 3/5  A few years before Elsa was telling us all to "Let it Go", this was the film people would refer to if they ever asked you if you've seen 'Frozen'. Nowadays, this had been swept under the rug almost completely, because let's face it; "Have you ever seen 'Frozen'?" only ever seems to point to Disney's modern classic. This version is a harrowing survivor story involving three young adults stuck on a ski lift, up against some of the harshest conditions nature can throw at them.
The aforementioned trio consists of Dan Walker (Kevin Zegers), his girlfriend, Parker O'Neil (Emma Bell) and the totally ironic third wheel, Joe Lynch (Shawn Ashmore, who once played Ice Man in the 'X-Men' films). They head to the hills to do some skiing and snowboarding, but are jerks about the mountain having to close early for the week. They convince the ski lift operator to allow them one last run, but due to some confusion down below, the ski lift stops and the resort closes, leaving all three of them stranded up high in a ski chair. Together, they struggle to survive sitting in one suspended spot knowing that the resort doesn't open back up again for another week. Speaking for myself, this movie gave me the same kinds of feelings I got with 'The Edge' the first time I saw it. It really portrays nature working against these people, with cold, bitter winds that whip icy snow at their faces and a pack of wolves down below waiting for an easy meal. I won't spoil too much, but things get pretty brutal. I can say with all honesty that if you're someone who can't stand things like broken bones, skin peeling off, or even the picking of small blemishes (in this case, frostbite), you might very well decide to skip this one. I was cringing a LOT during this, but in all the right ways, considering what the film was trying to do. One thing some people know about me when it comes to movies is that I'm not the biggest fan of the vilification of wolves. Wolves are my favorite animal; so much so that I have one tattooed on my right arm. There are plenty of documentaries out there that show just how interesting they are as a species, and ALL of our favorite dogs have descended from them. Perhaps that's why they are used so often - it's the idea of "man's best friend" turning on you. There was something about this time around though - I found them convincing. They don't just show up to attack, they show up because something happens to lure them in. It is scary stuff, but to me, this felt like a justifiably dark take on wolves. It's almost like the movie scares you into respecting them, and it feels like one of the more realistically dark takes on wolves I've seen. Putting the wolf pack aside, though, it's also just an interesting take on character development. While suspended up there, they get to talking and bringing up some stuff that really pulls at your heartstrings. Admittedly, sometimes that heartstring pulling is pretty forced, but some of it adds character to some of these... characters. The mood is set immediately when they start talking about the worst way to die, which actually has a pretty funny punchline, but it's definitely some heavy foreshadowing. As soon as the lights shut off on the slope, you get this sense of foreboding, and it doesn't help that they start freaking out a little about it. I have to admit that this was a movie that was effectively scary to me. Things get very cleithrophobic (the fear of being stuck, often confused with claustrophobia; the fear of being closed in small spaces), and having my personal crippling fear of heights, it just worked. I was at the edge of my seat, cringing, wincing, even routing for them a little bit. It's movies like this that make me glad I never took up skiing or snowboarding, because I would NOT do well on a ski lift on the best of days, let alone getting stuck up there, even for an instant. I think if you don't mind some of the more gruesome stuff, and you're on the lookout for a harrowing suspense thriller, it's definitely worth checking out. 4/5  When it comes down to Man vs Nature films, there are only a few I may find more thrilling than 'The Edge'. I saw this one in theaters back when it was released in '97, and it has held a special place in my heart since. Believe it or not, this is also the film that made me appreciate Anthony Hopkins as an amazing actor. This was before I finally saw 'Silence of the Lambs', which everyone else loves him for, which is kind of funny, as he plays a hero of sorts here.
The film starts out innocently enough with a billionaire named Charles Morse (Hopkins), happily married to model, Mickey (Elle Macpherson). Along with photographer, Bob Green (Alec Baldwin) and his assistant, Stephen (Harold Perrineau), the group take a trip to a remote cabin in an Alaskan village, and are hosted by knowledgeable woodsman, Styles (L.Q. Jones). He's here to be a bit of a harbinger, as he foreshadow the horrors of a bear attack, which would soon become relevant. The reason for the trip seems to be for a photoshoot, which includes Bob photographing Mickey, all the while seemingly flirting with her. However, Charles keeps his cool, engrossed in a book about survival. Eventually, Bob, Stephen and a reluctant Charles go on a flight in search of an Alaskan man, Jack Hawk (Gordon Tootoosis), who has a connection to Bob and his photography. Their plane crash lands in the middle of nowhere, and th trio soon find themselves engrossing in the Alaskan wilderness, having to hike their way back. All the while, a gigantic grizzly bear tracks and hunts them, and the concept of survival gets cranked to eleven. In the meantime, an unspoken thing between Charles and Bob, involving Charles' wife, adds to the intensity of the situation. We know this is a man vs nature survival film, but we further get that it's gonna be man vs man in a matter of time. The cool thing about it is, right up until the end, the film studies human nature more than just making them "bad guy and good guy". Speaking of "bad guy", the main antagonist of this movie is the grizzly bear. Little known fact about this guy, he's actually a pretty famous actor, and is thanked at the end of the film as the credits begin to roll. Played by "Bart the Bear", he has appeared in numerous other titles including 'The Great Outdoors' (as the bald-headed bear), 'White Fang', and 'Homeward Bound' (1 and 2) just to name a few. Sadly, he passed at the age of 23 back in 2000, but he certainly left behind an impression. Cards on the table, even though this isn't considered a horror movie of any sort, this bear kind of traumatized me during one particular scene, and it seem that this scene is still pretty bothersome to me. So kudos to Bart the Bear for being one of the most intimidating on-screen presences through my history of movie-watching. Some of you may be reading this wondering why I have it "Under the Radar". After all, it was a wide release at the time, stars an A-lister duo, and it's just a well-told story. The fact is, however, most people I ask about whether they've seen this movie simply haven't heard of it, or have, but don't remember it at all. Although I will grant that some of the survival techniques in this could be a bit off, including what they let them get away with. But when it comes down to the story, characters, and all around suspense, I think it does a really good job. As long as you can stomach some of the brutality from the bear, this is a solid, intense watch, and I recommend checking it out if you're looking for something dark, but still solidly dramatic. 4/5  Those who know me well know that my favorite animal on this planet is the wolf. I find them hauntingly fascinating, seemingly very neutral creatures. Hell, I've even got one inked on my right arm. So naturally, when I came across this title, it wasn't hard to add to the list. I wanted to do something involving wolves that didn't vilify them in any way, and lo and behold, I came across this apparent Disney classic that I had no idea existed.
This one is an adaptation of researcher Farley Mowat's autobiography of the same name. The book has been credited for dramatically shifting the worldview of wolves from a vicious and almost monstrous one to a much more positive one. This is a book I just learned about, and I am totally intrigued to see how well this matches up. The film does the same thing, and does so in a way where it doesn't exactly sugarcoat them either. Wolves are animals living the circle of life just like everything else, and certainly do not have a profile that could be matched with that of a murder hornet. The film opens with an effort to find out why the caribou population is dying off in the Canadian Arctic. A young biologist named Tyler (Charles Martin Smith) is sent to study the area, as well as the wolves who live nearby. He's brought to the icy climate by way of a trashy bush plane, piloted by "Rosie" Little (Brian Dennehy), and left to his own devices with whatever research gear he was given. He is soon helped by an Inuit man named Ootek (Zachary Ittimangnaq) who helps him with his shelter, but then he disappears, leaving Tyler to face the elements and nature alone. This is where the movie gets pretty fascinating, as Tyler soon encounters two wolves and their cubs. Approaching them little by little, he eventually establishes a relationship and names the two George and Angeline. The bond itself isn't quite as fascinating as how it develops though. We see Tyler adapting to the wild in such a way that his social exchanges with the wolves involve "marking their territories", creating trust and respect. As Tyler continues his research, and develops his relationship with these animals, he soon uncovers the truth behind the loss of caribou. And although one may sit, reading this saying they know the big reveal due to its obviousness, I've gotta say it's still a great movie. Perhaps I am a bit bias due to my love for wolves, but I enjoy that this is a movie that doesn't paint wolves in an evil light. I've always kind of felt that wolves get a bad rap in storytelling for the most part - especially if your story involves a dog. What I like about this is that it starts out claiming things like fear and mystery behind these animals, but soon the veil is pushed aside and we are able to see wolves here in a positive light that isn't really force-fed to us. We just see nature happening here, and a lot of it is quite beautiful. But I will say, a lot of it can get kind of gross too - although this is Disney, 1983, so it's certainly not nightmare fuel. I'll be honest, I hadn't heard of this title until I started looking for "Man vs Nature" films for this list. That's sort of surprising to me at this point considering it's highly regarded among critics, has cast members I recognize, involves wolves, and even got nominated for an Oscar - it was for Best Sound, but still. It comes from Carroll Ballard; director of 'Fly Away Home' and 'The Black Stallion'. Between those two titles alone, you know this is a man who can capture nature in a very captivating way. This film is no exception to that. The camerawork and imagery can be pretty breathtaking a lot of the time, and he does a good job at making you feel like a part of things. It's not without a few bumps, but for me they would be minor nitpicks. There's a bit of gross out stuff one can let slide, as it does add to the story, and I think my biggest complaint is how predictable it is. But this was also 1983, and I don't know if a lot of this kind of thing was really covered by then. Regardless of any of that, there's a certain comfortable Canadian beauty this movie carries with it, and there's oddly something about it that feels a bit like home. It's the kind of thing to cozy up to a nice warm fire to with a cup of hot chocolate and just relax and enjoy. 4/5  We start this month's theme of Man vs. Nature with an incredible but tragic true story that paints the majestic Mount Everest in a horrifying light. I will also take the time to recommend the documentary of the events to inspire this film; 'Into Thin Air: Death on Everest' (if you can find it). In either case, each film gives a pretty traumatic look at the seemingly common bucket list goal of climbing Mt. Everest. For yours truly, it's more than enough to say "not in a million years".
Taking place in 1996, a man named Rob Hall (Jason Clarke) has popularized commercial Everest missions. On this fateful mission, Rob is leading a team consisting of a variety of characters; an experienced climber named Beck Weathers (Josh Brolin); a mailman pursuing a goal named Doug Hansen (John Hawkes); a climbing veteran named Yasuko Namba (Naoko Mori), making this the last of the Seven Summits for her to climb; and a journalist for "Outside" magazine named Jon Krakauer (Michael Kelly). Meanwhile, Rob's company 'Adventure Consultants' has friendly competition with 'Mountain Madness', lead by Scott Fischer (Jake Gyllenhaal). However with potential climber overcrowding, the two groups have to try to agree on thing like reducing delays, and keeping an eye on the elements that involve extreme cold, pitfalls, lack of oxygen, and worst of all, a terrible incoming winter storm. As the groups try to cooperate with their back and forth, as well as the stubbornness of some of the climbers, before anyone knows it, everyone is in for a disaster of epic proportions that make the craziest disaster movies look like a picnic - especially when you know all of this stuff actually happened. This one came out five years ago, and did manage to hit it pretty big for the time. It was a September release, so it didn't quite fit the summer blockbuster caliber of things, but a lot of the names were a big draw, along with the true story aspect. However, it seemed to get the treatment of either being completely overlooked, or viewed once and let alone to be forgotten about. It's funny, but if I bring this up nowadays, it seems there's a select few who have even heard of it - even with all of the names attached. I haven't even mentioned Keira Knightly, or Robin Wright (who play Ben and Beck's respective at-home wives), but things are decently star-studded here. The real draw of the film, however, has everything to do with its overall intensity. I saw this one on the big screen with post-conversion 3D, and it actually turned out really good. For a lot of the time, you feel like you're right there with the group, caught up in all the terrifying elements nature can throw at you. I still remember actually keeping my jacket on for the movie because something about it just felt cold. On the small screen, the effect isn't quite as strong, but that doesn't matter, because there's still a great but harrowing story here that deserves to be seen. I feel like this was a title that kind of got swept under the rug after a little while, but it's a great cautionary tale for aspiring mountaineers. I feel obligated, however, to inform everyone that this is not what one would call a "feel-good" movie of any kind. It has some funny moments of comradery, but nothing about it is a comedy. It's intense for a lot of it, and nearing the end, your heart is just about bound to break. But once again, if you think a Hollywood movie on these events is gonna be too much for you, I stil highly recommend the documentary, 'Into Thin Air: Death on Everest'. It's honestly just as intense, and you'll get more accounts from some of the real people involved. As for this, it's one of very few movies where, when I left the theater, everyone was just quiet, and for me, that only means it makes one think. It's a very good movie, and I still highly recommend it - but have something cheerful on standby for after it's over. 4/5  I remember being one of the very few people who caught this in theaters, as it went on to be considered a Box Office bomb. I came out of it thinking the same thing I did this time around; it's a lot of fun, but I'd completely understand anyone's criticisms. I do have a few of my own, but for the most part, I had a good time with it. The concept of a first-person filmed action movie, any way you slice it, is a thrill ride. It's just that some thrill rides are a little less shaky, a little more smooth, and we prefer them.
That's not just because the whole thing is filmed in a shaky, first-person way either. The whole unravelling of the movie is shaky, and it's often hard to follow (at least for me). It begins with our first-person hero, Henry (played collectively by cinematographers, Chris W. Johnson, Pasha Kapinos, Vsevolod Kaptur, Fedor Lyass, and cameraman, Robin Roles), waking up inside a lab, where a scientist named Estelle (Haley Bennett) who claims to be his wife is working on him, replacing his missing limbs (after a bad accident) with cybernetic enhancements. Before we know it, a band of mercenaries raid the lab (located on an air ship), led by a man named Akan (Danila Kozlovsky). He claims that Estelle's work is his property, and the big first-person chase begins. Along the way, he is aided by a strange master of disguise named Jimmy (Sharlto Copley). Soon, he finds himself having to rescue Estelle from Akan; a madman bent on destroying the world. Therein lies my first problem with the movie; the villain's motives are just too simple. The villain himself is kinda creepy and effective in his own way though, so it's not all bad. I always thought that the idea for this was an awesome one, especially if you got to see it in 3D, putting you into the action. However, I don't even remember whether or not this was in 3D, and I almost wanna say that it wasn't and that was part of the disappointment after leaving the movie. Beyond that, it cuts pretty abruptly at times, and though it didn't effect me in such a way, and it may go without saying, this isn't good for anyone with motion sickness. If you can handle it all, however, just imagine it as though this was a first-person action game that was adapted to film. It's kinda like the creators looked at the first-person sequence in 'Doom', said "this movie should just be all this", and decided to make it happen, just a little more real-world. There's a lot of high octane stuff going on here. If you can follow close enough, you can really just toss your brain out the window for an hour and a half and enjoy this thrill ride AS Henry. It's not without a fair share of gore for the more violent at heart either. It's another example of how a certain type of video game movie could be done, but it's not a video game. It could stand to run a little bit smoother at times, but I get that it's rough because you're experiencing Henry's position. If you have Amazon Prime (Canada) you can go check it out and judge for yourself. It's a very "in-between" movie, but I tend to lean towards the side that sees it as a simple roller-coaster ride, and nothing much more. 4/5  An action hero turned washed up, B movie actor, Colton West (Steve Guttenberg) spends his current life forced to fight off giant bugs for big screen entertainment. He hates it, and it makes him miss his glory days in the 90's as a well-known superhero (at least in this universe). However, on his way home after being let go from a project, he suddenly finds himself facing off against a swarm of horrifying, fire-breathing spiders that erupt from a volcano nearby. This ultimately triggers Colton to get himself home to his family.
In the meantime, his family ends up on separate paths. His son, Wyatt (Noah Hunt) ends up fighting his own battle against the flame-spewing arachnids alongside his friends, Jordan (Diana Hopper), Eli (Ben Snowden) and Travis (Zac Goodspeed). Meanwhile, his wife, Olivia (Nia Peeples) soon finds herself taken in by the Army after having a cheesetasticaly bad ass face-to-face with one of the spiders in her own home. While his family survives the arach-attack as best they can, it may be up to Colton to channel his hatred of working with bugs into finding a way to hopefully never do it again. But then, sequels are a thing. 'Lavalantula' actually happens to take place in the same universe as the 'Sharknado' films, as there is some character crossover here. In fact, Colton West eventually appears after this in 'Sharknado 4: The Fourth Awakens' and this film's sequel, '2 Lava, 2 Lantula'. You've gotta appreciate word-play like that when it comes to movies like these. I further appreciate the whole elemental aspect of these films, incorporating one of the four elements with a natural disaster and a creature. It's like they roll a three-sided die. What will they think of next? (and why do I already know I'm gonna be watching it?) Another interesting attachment is that it comes from the same guy who directed last week's Spider Feature, 'Big Ass Spider', Mike Mendez. This is a director who is slowly coming to my attention, and I'm enjoying his work, for the most part. He's about being very self-aware and having fun, realizing you're there for nothing more than a creature feature. He also directed the 'Friday the 31st' segment of 'Tales of Halloween'; a personal underground favorite for the season. Going back to the movie at hand for a second though, I can't say it's not completely without its problems. I never thought I'd see the day, but this actually features Michael Winslow who has been brought back to do a whole bunch of noises and sound effects. It's a lot of fun when he does this stuff to mess with people in the 'Police Academy' movies, or just act like someone who's lost his mind (as seen in 'Cheech & Chong's Next Movie'). But here, I get the feeling there wasn't much of a guideline for him to follow and they just let him do his thing, which unfortunately results in things like stereotypical Kung-Fu voices that don't necessarily fly with people as much these days. Its often kinda cringe-worthy, but I woudn't say he kills the movie, either. Another cameo comes along here that made me do a double-take. Only a select few will remember him, but Patrick Renna shows up here. He would be best known for his role as "Ham" Porter in 'The Sandlot', but ended up in a few things including 'The Big Green', and even an episode of 'X-Files' where he played an obsessive compulsive vampire named Ronnie Strickland. We haven't seen him for a while, but he actually hasn't stopped for all these years. Remembering him as comedy relief in films like 'Sandlot', he's got a similar role here as an obsessive and starstruck fan of Colton's. It's actually pretty entertaining to me how he's so in awe, but casual about it at the same time. He hasn't lost his timing. It's kinda funny that I remember not getting a whole lot out of 'Sharknado', perhaps looking at it the wrong way at the time. I never did bother with anything in the series since then, but this made me second guess myself. One could take both of these series and parallel watch them, looking for some sort of continuity. The best part is, these movies are Syfy originals, so no one's really looking for cinematic quality. It's just some B movie fun, and I would say very similar to 'Eight Legged Freaks' in some of its execution. I had a lot of fun with it, see it for what it is, and once again recommend it lights down with a bunch of popcorn - check for spiders first. 4/5  It's not all too often that I get completely torn about a movie, but this was one of those situations. With a title as silly as 'Big Ass Spider!', one has to know that they're in for something pretty laughable. It's a modern B movie, plain and simple. And with that, I got some good laughs, some good scares (there's a face-melting scene here that hit a nerve), but for some reason, I still feel a bit let down by it.
The whole thing opens with a very tragic-looking scene; emotional music playing, slow-mo, and our hero, Alex Mathis (Greg Grunberg) approaching the scene in the accompanying photo. It then flashes back to tell us the story of how he got there. The way it does it is very abrupt, and I felt like there wasn't really any set-up. The audience already knows they're there to see a "Big Ass Spider", and all this really did was show us the obvious before it got going. It may as well have just started, and it almost just felt like a spoiler. Anyway, Alex is an exterminator, working in LA. One day on the job, he gets bitten by a spider and sent to the hospital for treatment. Meanwhile, in the hospital's morgue, rodent-sized spider pulls an 'Alien', bursts out of a new cadaver's chest, and bites the mortician, resulting in... nothing much. The mortician brings the spider to the attention of the rest of the staff by pulling the fire alarm, which brings in some authority, led by Major Braxton Tanner (Ray Wise) and Lt. Karly Brant (Clare Kramer) who seems to know exactly what this spider is all about. Alex offers to capture the spider if his hospital bill can be paid off in exchange for his services. He is assisted by a security guard named Jose (Lombardo Boyar), and together they discover that this spider seems to be growing in size. Come to find out that the spider is the result of a military experiment that involves mixing the DNA of a spider and an alien (giving the chest spider a whole new perspective, but don't worry, no ties to 'Alien' movies here). That brings me to my next point - it's never explained why the military made this giant spider. The only thing my imagination can fill in the blank with is weaponization, otherwise I suppose it was just them pushing the big red button and saying "I wonder what would happen if I did this". It becomes unimportant and tossed aside because the spider is growing exponentially, and about to terrorize the city. Can the spider expert and the security guard help the military to stop the spider before it becomes too much to handle? This is a difficult one for me because the bad and the good are almost equal extremes. On one hand, it delivers in laughs, scares (including not terribly cheap jumps), and only promises its audience exactly what the title suggests. As mentioned before, you can't go into a movie with a title like this and expect to be blown away. On the other hand, some of the issues I had are big deals to me. The opportunity for an explanation behind this creature was there, even if the explanation was stupid, we never got a "why" answer. I'm also still a bit baffled by the beginning. I could see the filmmakers wanting to have a big reveal at the beginning if the trailers didn't give us anything, but they did. Generally, a beginning like this is meant to set up the story you're about to see, but this was just a long, drawn-out visual that honestly felt like filler. It's a weird thing to get under my skin, but it does - just get going with the movie, unless you have something to say first. Criticisms and nitpicking aside, however, the overall product is still a fun, creepy crawly time, and it's probably just about as violent as one would want it to be as a PG-13 flick. It had a very limited theatrical run, and critics seemed to eat it up, seeing it as the fun, senseless thrill ride that it is. Meanwhile, audiences faltered in its overall fandom for various reasons. It's odd to see a movie so split where critics have a higher opinion, but it does happen the odd time. As for myself, despite my overall criticism, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun, or said I wouldn't ever watch it again. I do have a soft spot for these 8-legged creature features, and I can't really explain why. Perhaps it's because I'm not particularly arachnophobic (though they make me hesitate to visit Australia any time soon), but they are just creepy enough when monsterized that I get a creepy crawly kick out of it. If spiders do freak you out, you should know that this is no walk in the park, and you might be better off with something like 'Eight Legged Freaks'. But if you're on the lookout for a decent brain-out-the-window horror comedy, it's not a bad place to look. 3/5  Imagine, if you will, the early 2000's era of film. Superhero movies were just finding their footing with equal successes and flops. They wouldn't really get huge until about 2008, when 'Dark Knight' and 'Iron Man' became paralleling benchmarks. Up until then, the big Box Office hits at the turn of the century were a mishmash of 'Star Wars', 'Lord of the Rings', whatever superheroes were doing at the time (again, finding footing) and lingering disaster movies that people were finally getting sick of (they were a big deal in the late 90s).
Enter 'Eight Legged Freaks' in 2002, which pulled the same sort of thing 'Scream' did for slasher movies in the mid 90s. It said "hell, we know this type of thing is ridiculous, so let's just have some fun with it." It dug its creepy-crawly legs into the past, dug up all the ironic fun of a 60's B movie, put a modern twist on it. Titles like 'Mars Attacks' tried prior to this, but there was too much of a divide. People weren't quite ready for that goofiness yet, as disaster movies were a part of the same era. It was seen often as "trying too hard" at the time. But by 2002, this one was a breath of fresh air - something really different, but familiar enough to play on some kind of nostalgia. By the way, 'Mars Attacks' did eventually find is audience over time, but that's a whole other review waiting to happen. For now, let's take a peek into that trap door and allow the spiders to pull us in. A guy by the name of Chris McCormick (David Arquette) makes a return to his sleepy little fictional hometown of Prosperity, Arizona to reopen the gold mines that his late father left behind. Due to a toxic chemical spill, however, we get some of that old school monster movie action when the local spider population is affected, causing them to grow several times their original size. With the help of the town's Sheriff (also Chris' ex), Sam Parker (Kari Wuhrer), and her kids, Mike (Scott Tera) and Ashley (Scarlett Johansson), can they figure out how to stop these "eight legged freaks" from turning the town into an all-you-can-suck-the-guts-out-of buffet? As the film unfolds, it proves to be a pretty well-paced ride, and it does a fantastic job of really leaning on that PG-13 rating with its visuals. I don't consider myself arachnophobic at all, but I'm not ashamed to admit that it wasn't without its scenes that made me squirm. Of course, all that means is that it really did its job. It delivered a lot of good laughs, but balanced it with some pretty horrific imagery. By the way, I feel absolutely obligated to inform you that pets are not safe at all in this. If that's the kind of thing that gets to you, it might not be the best go-to. That said, their deaths are pretty well always off-screen and somewhat comical. That's coming from a guy who loves his cats dearly, so I do feel like it can all be taken with a grain of salt. Aside from the fun of it all, it's not without its place in a certain actresses history. It's actually pretty interesting to see Scarlett Johansson is in this while she hadn't quite found her big break yet. It's the last film of hers that predates 'Lost in Translation' (which arguably was her big break) by about a year. Thus, this is pretty much the last smaller role for her before she went on to bigger and better things (though one could count 'Ghost World' from 2001, but she certainly became more famous because of 'Lost in Translation'). She is still finding her acting muscles here though, so don't be shocked if she's not quite the mother from 'Jojo Rabbit' yet. As for the other roles in this, there are no real surprises from anyone. The big lead is David Arquette, playing another version of Dewey from 'Scream'; Kari Wuhrer is pretty much in her element, known for roles at the time in movies like 'Anaconda' or 'Thinner'; and Scott Terra, the other lead, probably has his most notable role here as a fairly typical nerdy kid. Otherwise he may be best recognized as young Matt Murdock in 2003's 'Daredevil'. But there's one addition to the cast I consider a guilty pleasure of a character. Doug E. Doug plays a radio announcer named Harlan Griffith, and you will either love this guy because you loved Sanka Coffee in 'Cool Runnings', or hate him because he's the irritating comedy relief. I tend to lean towards the former, as this guy has always had this effect on me. Even when he's being recognizably irritating, I can't help but laugh at what he does. He's this off the wall character here, so convinced about an alien invasion that he constantly has to be reminded that the spiders aren't aliens. On top of that, his biggest fear is getting probed. It all adds to the absurdity of it being a modern B movie, as in the 60's, those films were so often about either giant monsters or alien invasion. So, if you can make it past a few things, this one does end up on my list of recommendations to some degree. If you're severely arachnophobic, or have a very soft spot for your pets, it might be one to avoid. That said, being 2002, a lot of the CG here is still a little obvious, and in all honesty, it could be passed off as a cartoon in the way its executed - and I mean that in a good way. It makes for a great watch around Halloween when you want something creepy but fun, but remember to accept it for what it is. It doesn't take itself seriously in the slightest, and neither should anyone else. Just enjoy the ride! 4/5  Here we have a title that I remember from my childhood. It has been quite some time since I've sat to watch it, but I'm certain I was no older than maybe 10 at the time. I also would have caught it as a Disney Sunday Afternoon Movie, so it would have been edited much more, and to be perfectly frank, perhaps a bit more enjoyable.
The biggest problem with it is that there's a whole wack of seemingly unnecessary musical numbers that take away from an otherwise pretty good story. It often stops just to say "look what we can do", and I often found myself thinking "can we move on, now?" But if we take away some of the music, it actually becomes a nice, light-hearted family comedy, for the most part. That said, there's still an innocence to this one that's almost too innocent, often to the point of pure sap. Some might even look at it as being a touch creepy, at times. As the film opens, we are introduced immediately to the underlying concept of the movie. A young boy named Pete (Sean Marshall) enters the scene, riding an invisible dragon named Elliot (, and running from the Gogan family (Shelly Winters, Charles Tyner, Gary Morgan, and Jeff Conaway). This cruel family claims to own Pete after having bought him to put him to work as a slave on their farm. Pete manages to elude the Gogans and their opening musical number, and hikes with Elliot to the town of Passamaquoddy, Maine. Elliot, invisible while walking through town, causes a lot of damage, and the blame is placed on Pete. The pair turn a corner to have a talk about it, but are discovered by the town's lighthouse keeper, Lampie (Mickey Rooney). His ramblings of seeing a dragon are passed off as a drunken illusion to the rest of the townsfolk. But he's in for even more of a surprise when Pete and Elliot find themselves taking shelter in a seaside cave where they are discovered by Lampie's daughter, Nora (Helen Reddy) who takes Pete in. In the meantime, every tale like this needs a villain who wants to capture the creature for his own selfish purposes. Enter Dr. Terminus (Jim Dale) and his assistant Hoagy (Red Buttons). Terminus comes to town as a snake oil salesman, and barely manages to capture the town's attention with his own musical number. Business is okay, but when he gets wind that there's a dragon in town, he sees it as a unique business opportunity to use his various "parts" for a lot of different items he could sell that have the potential to actually work. If I'm honest, there was quite a bit of material here that gave me genuine laughs. It's a comedic fantasy aimed a bit more towards kids, so when there's plenty of humor having to do with being drunk, and utilizing a lot of 'Three Stooges' style gags, it makes for a good time. This might date it a bit, depending on your perspective regarding good parenting methods. Such things include getting drunk to calm your nerves after seeing a dragon, as only Mickey Rooney can. But perhaps worse, the idea of a family trying to hunt a kid down to be a slave for them is downright scary. I have to admit that there were flash moments of camerawork here, regarding the Gogan family that I found creepy today, as a grown-ass slasher movie fan. As mentioned before, I think this one would have worked a lot better with some of those musical numbers cut down. The musical numbers push it to a solid 2 hours plus, but it's a story that could easily take place within an hour and a half. With that said, this may very well have been what they went for at the time. In 1977, this was probably a great distraction for kids who were yet to be acquainted with things like video games and computers. Today, it's still fairly passable, but there was also a remake in 2016 that may very well be better. I distinctly remember coming out of that one, and enjoying it for what it was. But after finishing this, while I had fun with it, it did prove to be a pretty sappy blend of the extreme end of innocence and the extreme end of whatever light trauma you could get away with as a Disney film. Just saying, but the remake averages an 80% on Rotten Tomatoes, between critics and audiences. This one averages 57%. But if you wanna try this one out to get a little taste of Disney Broadway-ism fo a couple of hours, it still works. 3/5  Okay, so this one may not be quite as swept-under-he-rug as the other titles on this list, but I always considered it to be bypassed strongly for other films that this is essentially a combination of. Namely, these include 'Mary Poppins' and, far less fictional, 'The Sound of Music'. Let's face it, those two have gotten far more publicity over the years than this.
It's most definitely not without a few problems, so in comparison, 'Poppins' and 'Music' are probably the better films. But if I'm honest, I find this to be thoroughly overlooked. Most people I try to bring this up to either haven't heard of it, or have, but dismiss it as something kinda lame. But it holds 5 Oscar nominations, one of which it won for Best Visual Effects, and the reviews on it are mostly positive by audiences and critics alike. There's some dated things here I'll get to in a bit, but it still holds all of the classic magic that a Disney film from the early 70's can hold. The film takes place in 1940, England, during World War II. Gathered in an evacuation center due to Nazi bombing raids, siblings Charlie, Carrie and Paul (Ian Weighill, Cindy O'Callaghan and Roy Snart, respectively) are the last kids of a massive group to be taken in. By law, they are sent to live with Eglantine Price (Angela Lansbury), an apprentice witch trying to live her life in secret. Once the kids discover her secret without much surprise, Charlie blackmails her with the secret in order to get something in return. The result is her giving a travelling spell that only Paul can control, by way of a bedknob from the upstairs bed. When a notice that her correspondence course for witchcraft has come to a hault, she asks Paul and the others to help her by travelling to London to meet Professor Emelius Brown (David Tomlinson), the course's former headmaster. This all starts a journey to find all the right pieces to a puzzle that will allow her to use a spell to make inanimate objects move, hopefully in favor of the British war effort against the invading Nazis. As I mentioned before, sadly, there's some dated aspects to this. The big one is Mr. Brown's attitude towards women, which is extra harsh because he's an overall likable character, otherwise. But he is heard to say things like "women are always losing things" without any sort of comeback, which will be bothersome for some. My other problem with it is, ironically, the song "Portabello Road", which starts about 45 minutes in, and keeps going for the better part of 10 minutes. It takes a decent stab at multiculturalism, bringing in various ethnicities for one big dance number including Scots, Jamaicans, Indians and Australians. But it kind of leaves you questioning "why" It seems to mostly be filler, but there may very well be a whole point to it that I'm just not getting. It's bittersweet. I am happy to say that the fun of the film pretty much overshadows its problems. The adventure they go on gets pretty fun, especially when they manage to use the bed to visit the Island of Naboombu, where they blend animation with live action. Bear in mind that this predates 'Roger Rabbit' by almost 20 years, so though it looks dated now, at the time it was a pretty big deal. It's at least worth checking out if you're curious to see something 'Poppins'-like, because though it can't quite get on par with it, it's sort of like its little sister. If nothing else, you've gotta get a kick out of the way these kids talk. 3/5 |
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