 Back when this was released, I think I was somewhat blinded by its criticisms, and largely went along with tearing it apart on how "bad" it was. But after this re-watch, I have concluded a couple of things having to do with how my taste has shaped itself over the years. For starters, I'm gonna come right out and say that to some degree, this is still bad, and there's still a few things that bug me about it. But if you wanna throw your brain away for a couple of hours and watch some robots beating the crap out of other robots... there's quite a lot of it!
This film wraps up the Transformers' time with Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), so I'll try to bring things together enough to make any sort of sense. But it all starts with an escape ship from the Transformers' home planet of Cybertron called "The Ark," carrying more MacGuffins that could help end the Cybertronic war, one way or another. First there was the "Cube" (or AllSpark), then there was the "Matrix of Leadership," and now we're dealing with "Pillars," which have the ability to teleport matter between two points via wormhole, creating what is referred to here as a "Space Bridge." Said pillars are located on our moon, in the crashed Ark, along with Sentinel Prime (Leonard Nemoy), the former leader of the Autobots. Through a battle with a Decepticon named Shockwave (Frank Welker), Optimus (Peter Cullen) learns of the Ark, and travels to the Moon with a select crew to check it out, only to find his old leader in a sort of comatose state. Optimus takes Sentinel back to Earth, and resurrects him using the Matrix of Leadership. A solid move, considering Decepticons, led by Megatron (Hugo Weaving) and his right hand, Starscream (Charlie Adler) are becoming quite the nuisance on Earth lately, murdering any humans who may know about the Ark. As far as Sam goes, he's living his new life with his new girlfriend, Carly Spencer (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), because Megan Fox had her reasons not to return to the franchise. Unfortunately, he's made to live a more humble life, looking for a regular job, as he's not allowed to work with the Autobots anymore because... I can't remember if that's explained, but I guess for his safety? Either way, we all know he'll end up working with them in the end, anyway, otherwise we don't have much of a movie. I have failed terribly at mentioning this character in the past two reviews, but as Sam and Carly predictably end up helping out the Autobots, they also enlist the help of enemy-turned-friend, Seymour Simmons (John Turturro), who's a pretty damn fun character throughout these movies, ultimately going from a cocky agent-type to a conspiracy theorist who is generally right about everything. Of course, we also get help from our favourite soldiers who aren't Transformers; Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Epps (Tyrese Gibson). As vague as all of that seems, that really is about all there is to this (or almost any) of these movies. Two sides of the same coin; good vs evil seek out MacGuffin to either protect Earth/save their home planet OR just straight up take everything over. The rest of it is pretty much just heavy action sequences, special effects, and a whole lot of impossible, throw-your-brain-out concepts. But if you're willing to just be mindless about something, I think this chapter can actually be kinda fun... even if LaBeouf seemingly screams most of his dialogue. While one can certainly make this a fun experience, complete with a badass final fight between Optimus and Sentinel, it's still far from perfect. Sentinel rips a famous Spock line from 'Wrath of Kahn,' just because the voice was Leonard Nemoy. There's also the typical toppling of an entire city without any repercussions just because it looks cool, and even then, it's hard to tell who's who. In the end, I can say I had a better time with it than I remember, and I'd put it above the previous film just for dumb fun entertainment. But I think I would classify this as something of a guilty pleasure at this point. Bad, just not terrible. 2/5
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