Mr. Nanny

<<

Film Negatives

>>

Putting my cards on the table, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have any fun with this when I was younger. This was 1993, making me at least 11 by the time I saw it, so there was still that part of me that enjoyed movies about kids taking control over the grown-ups. That was kind of a big thing in the early 90's, and a lot of family movies seemed almost "out to get" authority figures by having kids almost literally get away with murder, and this title is no exception.

Don't let all the pink sway you, the whole tutu thing is a brief scene in the film. Otherwise, it's your typical film of its kind. It also follows in the footsteps of things like 'Kindergarten Cop' in that we had a big time muscle-bound action star of some sort taking care of kids. This formula continued with things like 'The Pacifier' (Vin Diesel) and 'The Spy Next Door' (Jackie Chan). Its never really been a great formula, unless you're a kid who may already be looking up to these guys. But to be fair, these are aimed at kids as well, and much of the time, if the adult has a problem with a movie aimed at kids, that makes the adult a bit of an asshole. So I'm about to be seen as a bit of an asshole, because looking back on this, I do not feel quite the same as I used to.

We meet a former wrestler named Sean Armstron (Hulk Hogan) who suffers from nightmares about a wrestling match that went wrong. He lives in Palm Beach, Florida, and hangs out with his old friend and former manager, Burt Wilson (Sherman Hemsley), who's a bit of a jerk, but he's kind of entertaining in that aspect. Burt is having some financial difficulties with his personal security business, and soon convinces Sean to take a bodyguard job for an Alex Mason Sr. (Austin Pendleton). Mason heads Mason Systems, which is funding the Peacefinder Project; a new anti-missile system. Information about it is stored on a well-hidden microchip, and Sean is hired to protect Mason's two children, Alex Jr. (Robert Gorman) and Kate (Madeline Zima) as such sensitive information could put them in danger from Tommy Thanatos (David Johansen), who will stop at nothing to get the microchip because... reasons?

As one can probably figure out, the whole villain vs Dad thing is more of a lingering plot that goes on while Sean has to deal with these two bratty, but very clever kids. Now, when I was younger, I would just laugh at a lot of the crap they do to Sean in true 'Home Alone' trap fashion. But the thing about watching this as an adult is that you end up pretty well hating these kids. Granted, they lash out largely due to their Dad having no time for them and being pretty ignorant about it, but their motivation is to get rid of whatever nannies come through. They seem out to prove that they can take care of themselves, at least with a bit of help from their maid, Corrine (Mother Love). As for Mom, as with just about anything aimed at kids from the 90's, she's gone and out of the picture.

The thing that really hit me with this viewing is that the more likable characters are anyone not in the family. The kids are little terminator asshole brats who do anything short of murder to get their way, and their attitude is awful. The Dad means well, but you don't like him either 'cause he just comes off as a deadbeat, having absolutely zero time for the kids he's trying to protect. It gets to the point of wondering why you should care about what happens to this family, short of the fallback of putting little kids in some kind of danger - because if you don't care about kids in danger, you're a dink, no matter how asshole-ish they are. Well, that and it's a global defense thing, but we don't fully get why Thanos... sorry, Thanatos is after this microchip. By the way, younger ones, this "microchip" would be more likened to a USB stick nowadays. Anyway, he's there to be a convenience, as he just so happens to be linked to Sean and Burt's past. It works out way too conveniently.

So, is the film completely awful? Well, not entirely. I'd say it's just a product of its time, and dated all to hell. There's not much offensive here that wouldn't fly today, but it deals with pre-internet technologies, and I don't think kids would get much out of it nowadays. It's kinda like how 'Home Alone' is dated because kids today can't fathom why cell phones weren't just used to quickly solve their dilemma... come to think of it, did they even try to call Kevin at their house?... Anyway, back to the movie at hand, it's not awful, but it's lame, and there wasn't any kind of nostalgic tie to it for me, which is sayng a lot because even 'Masters of the Universe' had that, and it was pretty awful. 'Mr. Nanny' is kinda just best left alone. You'd watch it nowadays, shrug it off, and carry on with your life.

---