 I generally find myself in the minority on this one (once again), but I can't help but toss this title into the "comfort food" category when it comes to Christmas movies. There's nothing extra special about it; it's not without its flaws, but in the end, it's just a nice film that hits me in the "warm & fuzzies." It has a Hallmark Christmas quality, but it still leans a little more towards adult humour, giving it that little something to hold on to. It's another title that has to be seen in the right light.
What I mean by that this time around is that the viewer will have to duck and dodge some of the more convoluted parts of the film, involving several characters, to get to the true heart of it. Indeed, this is yet another Christmas flick about family dysfunction. If I'm honest, there are at least a couple of characters throughout that are bound to drive you up the wall, once again getting into the "bickering" pet peeve of mine I hate so much. However, with the right formula in place, it can sometimes be forgivable. Now, a lot is going on here, so bear with me. As the film kicks off to the great tune of 'Ain't No Woman (Like the One I Got)' by the Four Tops, we are given a view of the developing Meyers family through the years in a well put together montage, until we get to present-day Christmas, 2016, where the family loses their matriarch, Grace, and is facing the holidays for the first time without her, seemingly being the glue that holds the family together. Despite everything, however, patriarch Walter (Danny Glover) is determined to carry on with a five-day family Christmas, with the help of his sister in law, May (Mo'Nique). Invited to this even are namely Walter's four children, and their families; his dentist daugher, Cheryl (Kimberly Elise) and his comedy relief husband, former NBA star, Lonnie Maclay (J.B. Smoove); his campaigning son, Christian (Romany Malco) with his wife, Sonya (Nicole Ari Parker) and two kids, Cameron (Alkoya Brunson) and Dee (Marley Taylor); his self-absorbed, single daughter, Rachel (Gabrielle Union) and her daughter, Niya (Nadej K. Bailey); and his athlethic youngest, Evan (Jessie T. Usher). editing* Walter Meyers is a retired automotive engineer who lost his wife Grace 10 months earlier. Now that the holiday season is here, he invites his four grown children and the rest of the family to his house for a traditional celebration. Walter knows that if his daughters Cheryl and Rachel and sons Christian and Evan can spend five days together under the same roof, it will truly be a Christmas miracle. As his children arrive, Walter realizes a perfect Christmas without his wife, Grace is easier said than done. Cheryl, a dentist and the eldest child, arrives for the holidays with her goofy husband Lonnie Maclay, a previously famous basketball player. He develops a mutual interest in a young grocery store worker named Jasmine shortly after arriving in town. His eldest son and second born, Christian, struggles with balancing his campaign to become a congressman and his desire to spend time with his wife Sonya and two kids Cameron and Dee. Christian invites his campaign manager along so they can get more work done. His manager helps set him up with potential financial backers. Meanwhile, Rachel, his youngest daughter and third born, struggles to financially support herself and her daughter Niya due to her recent divorce and studying to become a lawyer. The youngest, Evan is a successful football player recovering from a shoulder injury, but when his coach tells him his arm is completely healed, Evan struggles to give up the pain medication. Throughout their 5 days together, the Meyers family experiences ups and downs. Rachel and Cheryl trade barbs at each other, Lonnie has an affair with Jasmine, (which Rachel discovers immediately) and Christian is pressured to help demolish a part of town that includes a homeless shelter his mother supported. Out of spite, Rachel invites Jasmine to Christmas dinner to embarrass Lonnie and Cheryl but when the sisters accidentally find their mother's tin of recipes, they stop fighting and Rachel tries to disinvite Jasmine via voicemail. On Christmas Day, Evan discovers Walter plans on selling the house and confronts him. The kids are shocked but Walter stands by his decision. Evan storms off and gets into a car accident. Jasmine arrives to dinner, to Rachel and Lonnie's surprise, and inadvertently reveals their fling to the whole table. Cheryl chases Lonnie off with an old rifle. Later on, in the hospital, Walter helps Evan confront his grief of losing Grace. Cheryl and Rachel make amends and Cheryl gives her sister a check to help her finish law school so she can be her lawyer in her future divorce with Lonnie. Christian tells his potential backers that he won't demolish the shelter. The film ends with Walter finally perfecting Grace's sweet potato pie and deciding to keep the house.  Before I really get into this review, one should probably know a couple of things about my tastes that place a bit of a bias against this movie for yours truly. Despite it being recommended as something funny with a more adult slant, which I can appreciate, I definitely didn't know exactly what I was getting into here. It's safe to say it's a Christmas title others may hold in higher esteem than I, especially since this was my first time with it, something I'd known about for ages but never bothered with.
You see, when it comes to Denis Leary, I was never his biggest fan. I know, I'm in a bit of a minority with this, but to me, he always just represented fast-talking anger that we're supposed to find funny - a walking temper tantrum, if you will. His song 'Asshole' was always a classic, sure, but as a comedian, he never really did it for me. So, when it came to this movie, I purposely avoided it because I knew I wouldn't get out of it what others would. As it turns out, however, he was the least of my trouble throughout the movie - in fact, I found myself rooting for him. Here, Leary plays a cat burglar by the name of Gus, whose recent Christmas Eve break-in went awry when he set off an alarm, and his getaway driver, Murray (Richard Bright), ditches him. Later, at a convenience store, he discovers a dysfunctional couple, Lloyd Chasseur (Kevin Spacey) and his wife, Caroline (Judy Davis), only to take them hostage in their own home in an effort to hide from the authorities, who have set up a curfew, and are going door to door in the neighbourhood in search of Gus, potentially at his next "target." Lloyd and Caroline are in the midst of attending couples therapy sessions, unbeknownst to Gus, however, and soon Gus finds himself stuck in the position of "referee" between the bickering couple - and that's what kills the movie for me, despite it being the whole point (which I didn't fully realize). Couples, former couples, couples-to-be, etc., who bicker about each other throughout an entire movie is a massive pet peeve of mine, and tends to take me out of the film regardless of anything else happening. The odd time, it can be done effectively, but here, it's the central plot. Caroline is guilty of having an affair and coddling their teenage son, Jesse (Robert J. Steinmiller Jr.), who is attending military school. Meanwhile, Lloyd comes across as a doormat, especially when it comes to his overbearing mother, Rose (Glynis Johns). As the pair bicker and argue despite their dire situation, Gus has to constantly tell them to knock it off, and, granted, this can be where Leary's anger-comedy comes into play reasonably well, only because he's continually saying what the viewer is thinking. Soon enough, the rest of the family comes into play, and Gus has to play things off like he's also a guest, but that's the film in a nutshell. For something considered to be pretty good by most, I have to say, there wasn't a whole hell of a lot that stood out to me about this one. Most interesting is a subplot involving Jesse blackmailing his school's commanding officer, Siskel (J.K. Simmons), in an effort to save money to escape into a life of crime, just like Gus, but Gus tries to keep the kid on the level. It's a subplot, but it doesn't go anywhere, unfortunately, because the bickering couple needs to be the primary focus. It may have worked better in '94, but nowadays, I can't see it working quite as well. The film does come with a genuine giggle or two, but nothing that makes me see it in this supposed bright light that so many others seem to. Once again, it's a Christmas comedy that comes across as more awkward and irksome than most; its humour relies heavily on pratfalls and the "relatability" of a dysfunctional couple/family. I think the only real reason to check this out is if you are a Denis Leary fan, because he's easily the best part of the film - and that's coming from a non-fan, which frankly says a bit too much against it. It's not one I see myself returning to often. 3/5  When you get right down to it, I'm generally game for a decent, if raunchy, Christmas comedy produced to please those of us who are not only looking for something a bit different, but a little more adult as well. The good ones are few and far between, however, and 2016's 'Office Christmas Party' is no exception. Despite promising trailers that made it seem like it could be comparable to 'The Night Before,' released the previous year, it didn't exactly deliver the goods, and turned out to be pretty forgettable.
With that said, it's my opinion, and I know a few people who enjoy it; it's not something I would hold against anyone. Upon this particular re-watch, I found that while it's still rough, it's not quite as terrible as I remember. It's one of those Christmas titles that has to be shown in the right light, at the right time, with the right people. For example, it's best left on in the background at a Christmas party while you're having drinks with close friends. I wouldn't say it's just something new to check out at any time leading up to the holiday. Following the death of their father, Carol Vanstone (Jennifer Aniston) and her brother, Clay (T.J. Miller), respectively become the Interim CEO and the Chicago branch manager of Zenotek. One day, Carol visits the Chicago branch to go over things, only to reveal that they have failed to meet their quarterly quota. As a result, she demands cutting corners, which not only includes cancelling the annual office Christmas party but, worse, the branch's employees' Christmas bonuses. However, Clay, not wanting to let down his staff, has one more trick up his sleeve. Along with the freshly divorced chief technology officer, Josh Parker (Jason Bateman), and their R&D chief, Tracey Hughes (Olivia Munn), Clay attempts to meet with financial guru Walter Davis (Courtney B. Vance) to secure a $14 million contract with his company, Data City. If they can land this contract, Carol will agree not to make such cuts. Despite Davis' positive feelings about Zenotek's product, he's reluctant to close the deal because he questions the company's corporate culture, having heard of recent layoffs and cuts. As a result of Davis's reluctance, Clay's last-ditch effort to seal the deal is to invite him to their annual office Christmas party that he intends to throw behind Carol's back to show him that Zenotek's employee environment is, indeed, safe. If nothing else, he can show Davis a good time. And of course, as any trailer for the film shows, it's only a matter of time before the party goes full 'Project X' and gets just a little out of hand, which is where we get all of the comedy and shenanigans involving several side characters. Really, the more interesting parts of the film actually involve said side characters, like the company's HR manager, Mary (Kate McKinnon) trying to keep the party relatively PG, or a geek named Nate (Karan Soni) who finds himself desperately hiring an escort to pose as his made-up girlfriend, or the kind-hearted Fred (Randall Park) who has a little trouble with how he wishes to be intimate, or Jeremy (Rob Corddry) who doesn't necssarily have an interesting side-story, but is Corddry at his most Corddry. All the side stories take center stage over the main plot and make the movie slightly entertaining. While this isn't a film I feel I can recommend to just anyone, and for as bad as I still find it, I still think that, in the right mindset, this can make for a mildly entertaining movie for anyone in search of something a little more lowbrow and fun than your average Hallmark channel Christmas romance. As I said, it may take the right setting with the right people for it to come through as something decent. However, for as short as the somewhat raunchy Christmas movie list is, this is still one I'd put further towards the bottom of it. There are worse, though. 2/5  This film is beyond ridiculous when you get right down to it, but I can't lie, there's a big part of me that really enjoys it, despite how stupid it is. It's not even that it's "so bad it's good," where they were trying to make something of substance and failed miserably. I never took this seriously, nor should anyone watching it; something most people can get from the lead, Jewish pro wrestler, Bill Goldberg, playing the role of Santa Claus, a Christian figure. And that's just the icing on the Christmas cake.
The film tells you exactly what it is in the opening scene, as the viewer realizes that the over-the-top craziness within it, complete with decent celebrity cameos, is what to expect for the rest of the film. Put simply, a family gets together for a dysfunctional family Christmas dinner when Santa comes down their chimney and kills everyone in gory, holiday-related ways, using holiday-related puns. It is quite a combination of stupid and awesome all at once when you fully realize that the film is going to be absolutely ridiculous. If you don't make it past this first scene, turn it off, because it doesn't get "better." Meanwhile, Nicholas Yuleson (Douglas Smith), who lives with his grandfather (Robert Culp), learns, upon asking his grandfather why he hates Christmas, that it is because of "The Book of Klaus," a seemingly ancient tome that tells the "real" story of Santa Claus. The result of a virgin birth, and the offspring of Satan, Santa used Christmas as a "Day of Slaying" until the year 1005 A.D., when an angel beat Santa in a curling match, the losing result being to have to deliver presents and joy to children around the world for the next thousand years. Now, in present-day 2005, his sentence has been lifted, and he's free to slay again. Going back to Santa, he continues to terrorize "Hell Township" along with his gigantic "Hell Deer." Not only do we see him attack a Jewish deli, the irony of which Bill Goldberg actually seemed to enjoy, but he also takes on a strip club, because let's face it, no movie like this is complete without a bit of skin. Perhaps strangely, I feel like I can almost make a comparison, at least spiritually, between this and the library of 'Duke Nukem' games. The humour and violence take centre stage, while the horror elements remain present but pushed to the back. In case you couldn't tell, it's only a matter of time until Nicholas, his unnamed grandfather, and his love interest, Mary "Mac" Mackenzie (Emilie de Ravin) find themselves face-to-face with a Santa Claus that's far more reminiscent of Robot Santa from 'Futurama' than any other version of the jolly old gift-giver. They must refer to the "Book of Klaus" for any clues on how to beat him, or else, wait for midnight to strike on Christmas Night so that he can't use his powers anymore. A regular Bill Goldberg could still completely mess up a couple of teenagers, but let's face it, logic is not why we're here. If the absurdity of what I've described isn't enough to pique your curiosity, I mentioned that there are a decent number of celebrity cameos throughout the film that might shock the average viewer. Names like Dave Thomas (that's 'Bob & Doug' Dave Thomas), Saul Rubinek, Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, and even an uncredited James Caan are all a part of this crazy "slay ride." In a word, even considering everything I've said about it so far, this movie is "fascinating" when one considers everything wrapped up in the final product. Although words like "stupid," "ridiculous," or "unique" are all perfectly valid descriptions as well. For as much praise as I'm giving the movie, however, it would be almost irresponsible of me not to say that while it's something that hits my tastes pretty well, for the most part, this is seen as a terrible movie, and it's perfectly understandable as to why, especially for those who have a true love of Christmas. This one comes recommended by yours truly as a solid Christmas comedy-above-horror for those who sort of allow Christmas to come and go, or indeed, the fair share of Grinches & Scrooges out there, because the only real heart you'll find here might be one Goldberg tears out of one of his victims. 3/5  To be clear, this title gave me a bit of confusion, as this seems to be a title that has been used time and time again for various other films that aren't the same story, and so the "Christmas" version of 'Red Snow' ended up being something I didn't really expect. I knew it took place around Christmas, I knew it involved vampires, but for me to truly enjoy a vampire movie surrounded by a winter setting, I'll stick to '30 Days of Night'. That said, I can still credit it for surprising me here and there.
In fairness to the film, it didn't get a wide release and passes as a straight-to-streaming film with not a whole lot of bells and whistles. If you're looking for a big-budget vampire movie with a bunch of fantastic special effects, I should forewarn you that the effects here don't really go far beyond practical makeup effects, which, to me, is honestly a breath of fresh air, once again proving a vampire movie doesn't really need to go all-out to be at least somewhat effective. Unfortunately, for my tastes, this is a film that dabbles far more in the romantic/fantasy category, which can be good, but I prefer more animalistic vampires. We meet Olivia Romo (Dennice Cisneros), a struggling author specializing in vampiric romance novels who's spending the Christmas holidays alone at her late mother's cabin in Lake Tahoe, writing her fantasies. One such manuscript, 'Touched by a Vampire', she sends to various publishing companies for review, only to be constantly brushed off. One night, while writing, Olivia hears a loud bang on the window, heads out to see what it was, and finds an injured bat. Being kindhearted, she reluctantly decides to take the bat in to nurse it back to health. The following morning, Olivia is met with another loud thud, which prompts her to inspect the garage where she left the bat, only to find a young, handsome man in the buff, complete with fangs and white-out eyes, hissing at her. Instead of being terrified, as any normal human being would be, she gets excited at the idea that vampires are real and that she has one in her garage. Soon, she helps him out by getting him a whole whack of pig's blood, which the vampire, introducing himself as Luke (Nico Bellamy), drinks down in an effort to restore his health, his injuries being more than just hitting a window. As it turns out, Luke had also been shot by a vampire hunter by the name of Julius King (Vernon Wells), who pays Olivia a visit in search of Luke and his two vampire associates, Jackie (Laura Kennon) and Brock (Alan Silva), who are evidently in the area as well. Olivia denies having seen anyone suspicious, and it results in a strange friendship blossoming between Olivia and Luke, as Luke gives her a bit of an education on vampire-kind, which includes things I appreciate, like the idea of sunlight just hurting really bad instead of completely vanquishing them, and things I dislike, like the idea of Nosferatu being an insult to vampires everywhere. From all of that, I can see it being relatively easy to decide that the film is altogether lame; there's really no aspect of anything scary here, considering it's a movie about vampires, and as I said, it falls a little more under the romantic vampire category, so it won't be for everyone who enjoys a good vampire story. However, I will defend the film by saying it's far more of a comedy than a horror, depicting a sort of vampire-crazy single woman who, to me, reflects many of the 'Twilight' fans out there. So, there is a touch of holding up a mirror to society in that regard, even if it's a little late to the party. 'Red Snow' isn't exactly what I'd call a hit, or even really that good altogether. Still, it doesn't take itself seriously, has a touch of originality, and is actually decently funny in parts, though there aren't any real knee-slappers. Again, this wasn't widely released, so one shouldn't treat it like a Hollywood blockbuster. It's fun, if a bit on the weird side, and totally passable as a darker Christmas film, but it doesn't hold a candle to great Christmas horror/comedy movies like 'Krampus.' Check this one out for free if you're going to. 3/5  Among the scraps of forgotten holiday movies, one can find this 2000 title, widely regarded as one of the worst Christmas movies ever made. Much like 'Die Hard,' one can easily argue that it isn't a Christmas movie at all, which is fine, but for the sake of argument, I'm classifying it as such. Unlike 'Die Hard,' however, this is just a pain to sit through. Not only is it poorly put together, but there's a healthy list of actors here who don't shine through it all, and you get left with a healthy clump of coal in your stocking.
It is my understanding, however, that despite a decent idea for a holiday heist movie, it was after a lukewarm test screening that the studio got involved, interfered, and ruined everything because they seem to think they know what's good for us. There were many cuts, edits, rewrites, etc., that led to this final product, which once again proves that, when it comes to movies, all we really want for Christmas is less studio interference and more of the filmmakers' vision. The screenplay on this was from Ehren Kruger, who has given us recent titles such as 'F1' and past titles like 'Arlington Road', 'The Ring', 'Top Gun: Maverick', among others. Having said all that, however, Kruger also has writing credits for a lot of the more failed attempts at 'Transformers' movies, and director John Frankenheimer has a bit of a mixed bag of films under his name as well, but one could have expected this to be at least lukewarm with reception given all of the names attached to it, and being a somewhat unique idea for a Christmas film. Either way, however, let's get into the convoluted plot of this seasonal stinker, all starting at the set of a prison somewhere in Michigan, where cellmates Rudy Duncan (Ben Affleck) and Nick Cassidy (James Frain) are patiently awaiting their release in just two days. As they await their release, Rudy and Nick discuss the typical subject of what they'll do when they're released. While Rudy only comes up with the simplicity of a nice, warm cup of hot chocolate for the Christmas holiday, Nick brings up the woman he's been writing back and forth to, Ashley Mercer (Charlize Theron) and how excited he is to meet her in person, and jump right into a relationship. However, as it tends to go, things happen in the prison that prevent Nick from reaching his release date, and on that day, Rudy decides to act selfishly, pose as Nick, meet Ashley, and go from there. Just as things are starting to look up for Rudy, who knows he'll have to end the charade sooner or later, the pair then get themselves kidnapped by a guy named Gabriel (Gary Sinise), Ashley's so-called brother, and his cronies, Pug (Donal Logue), Merlin (Clarence Williams III) and Jumpy (Danny Trejo). The gang mentions the robbery of a casino run by a "dirtbag" named Jack Bangs (Dennis Farina), which they were supposed to pull off before Nick went to prison. Rudy continues to pose as Nick as he finds himself getting deeper and deeper into Nick's would-be life outside prison. From here, the plot gets rather convoluted, with a whole bunch of twists and turns, not the least of which is the way the film ends. Still, by then, you're not entirely surprised at the "big twist" happening. In fact, you'll probably even be a little bit bored, rolling your eyes at whatever is coming next. While it's certainly not the worst movie I've ever seen, it's certainly up there on that naughty list of Christmas crap that can't be made into a Christmas tradition, even if you want to enjoy it ironically. It doesn't even stop at the convoluted plot, either. The worst part of the film is that these otherwise solid actors just can't act, which I'd probably chalk up to bad direction. You're not exactly rooting for Affleck throughout the film, Theron's character is pretty annoying, and Sinise is over the top just enough to make his Lt. Dan of 'Forest Gump' fame look like Winnie the Pooh. Truth be told, the film had some potential with its ideas. Still, the execution left a hell of a lot to be desired, with very few redeeming qualities, and a convoluted story that will likely make one wanna turn it off before the awful twist ending even gets revealed. 1/5  What a curiosity this movie was for me when it was released. I didn't love it, nor did I hate it; it was a bit awkward in some parts, but there was enough here that I wish I'd gotten to see it on the big screen. Upon my initial viewing, it all just boiled down to how bizarrely fitting it was that the film got released in 2020, at the height of COVID. Here we have a dark comedy Christmas action film that hasn't aged well, but there was undoubtedly a part of me at the time that appreciated the inner rage it brought to the surface.
Let's face it, back in 2020, we were all pretty angry about our worldwide situation, and it didn't take much to set us off, so there was a little something to having a dark non-horror Christmas movie to turn to as an outlet, seeing as Christmas 2020 wasn't exactly your usual magical family get-together. It was confusing back then, because while part of me was enjoying it, the other part was asking if I really should. I had a distinct feeling that the film took itself too seriously, especially with someone like Mel Gibson in the lead, who genuinely defines what it means to have to separate art from artist. Here, Mel plays a somewhat crotchety Chris Cringle, who runs a shop on a farm near North Peak, Alaska. He's happily married to Mrs. Claus, or Ruth (Marianne Jean-Baptiste), as she's named here. Ruth comes across as the typical Mrs. Claus: baking cookies, knitting, and having a sweet disposition. She comes across as the typically sweet grandmother type, putting love into everything she does. It's an interesting contrast. This year, the couple find themselves on the financial decline because of naughty children, suggesting that if you're looking for a magical Santa, you're out of luck for this particular Christmas flick. The US government shows interest in Chris's business and sends Captain Jacobs (Robert Bockstael) to propose a contract to produce jet fighter components for the military. Realizing they really need it, the couple go through with things, and this is what becomes of Santa's workshop - a place to construct components for the military; I mean, how depressing is that? The elves, however, take it in stride instead of having the film pull the "feel sorry for them" routine. The elves are there to work for whatever Santa needs, loyal, and are meant to deliver the goods to millions of happy children by any means necessary. Children in the year this takes place, however, are seen to have become pretty terrible. This includes spoiled rich brat, Billy Wenan (Chance Hurstfield), who loses a "Best of Show" diorama contest and essentially threatens the winner with the darkest of things. This, along with many other things, earns him a lump of coal on Christmas morning. He then swears revenge by putting a hit out on Santa, using his personal hitman, Jonathan Miller (Walton Goggins). The film's central plot revolves around this portion of the story, and it's one of those situations that's meant to be comedic, but it's almost just too dark. I found this to be a cool concept, but its execution is lacklustre. Taking the plot of this, it could have been a hilarious action/comedy if given to the right person. But this comes from brothers Ian and Eshom Nelms, who are clearly very much on the Indie movie scene. Instead of taking the concept of a wronged kid taking revenge on Santa and having a lot of fun with it, the film takes itself too seriously. Even as Santa Claus, Mel's gotta be a scruffy-lookin', gritty badass. While this came across as okay and kinda fun with this film, David Harbour would knock it out of the park a couple of years later with 'Violent Night', a far superior film. If you want a cheery Christmas this year and want to leave all the drama behind, I recommend avoiding this one. There's nothing really cheery, funny, or pleasantly dramatic in this one, and no real Christmassy takeaway at the end. By the time you finish watching, you are confused about what to think and want to turn to other Christmas movies. I'll give this movie its core concept and the originality behind it, but I wish it had been put in someone else's directorial hands. In the end, this one's forgettable and belongs in the year 2020. 2/5 |
RSS Feed